Words I Live By: Loyalty

I'm going literal with this week's "Words I Live By" because it's actually just a single word.

Loyalty 

I'll start with a couple defintions:

• Being loyal can take on a few different forms: loyalty to a person, loyalty to a cause, loyalty to certain beliefs. And in that sense, what it means is that you don't stray from the moral code and guidelines that are implied by whatever relationship/affiliation you have with said person/cause/belief. 

• Having someone be loyal to you means trusting your friend/partner to not do you wrong or hurt you, knowing someone will always help you if you need it, understanding that someone else understands you and your intentions completely. At least, that's what it means to me. Maybe you have other ideas?

Loyalty is one of those things that you don't realize how important it is until you experience the opposite of it. Once you know disloyalty, how can you be on board with anything else but loyalty?

Throughout middle school and high school I was lucky enough to have probably the greatest group of friends a 13-18 year old could ask for. My friends and I were all nerds. We loved Student Council. And we never fought. Over time, I got spoiled thinking that all friendships were like this--never worrying if your best friend was secretly mad at you, or talking about you behind your back. 

And then, I learned that they weren't all like that.

And it hurt. A lot. And it was confusing and scary and unsettling to know that something I had learned to be true--that all close friendships were positive ones--maybe wasn't so true.

Lots of people learn about loyalty and disloyalty through relationships. To me, loyalty within a romantic relationship isn't different from loyalty in a platonic friendship. If you say that you would never cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend, then you should also be saying you would never sell a friend out. Loyalty is loyalty--it's something that you either practice, or don't practice.

Like I said earlier, loyalty is something that matters once you realize how badly disloyalty hurts. Or once you realize how badly you feel when you are disloyal to someone else.

I've felt both. You probably have too--in some degree or another.

It's easy to look back and find a time where someone has been disloyal to you.

Ever noticed that when you're playing "Never Have I Ever" and someone says "never have I ever been cheated on" almost everyone puts down a finger? Everyone's got a story about the time they were cheated on....

But then have you noticed that when you're playing that game and someone says "never have I ever cheated on someone" barely anyone admits to it?

Look, I'm not a mathematician, but statistically, this just seems impossible. If 9/10 people have been cheated on, but only 1/10 people has cheated...who the hell is doing all this cheating that is supposedly going on?? That 1 guy or girl is REALLY making the rounds, huh??

My point is--it's hard to admit to yourself, and to others, that you've been disloyal. But it happens. And it's worth fixing so it doesn't happen again.

Whether it's loyalty for and from those that you love, or for an idea or cause that you believe in, loyalty, in my opinion, is something that everyone should learn, live, and expect nothing less than.

To end on a high note, I really do believe that if you are loyal, you will find loyalty in others. 

I know that I have.


“You think I'm a fool?" demanded Harry.
"No, I think you're like James," said Lupin, "who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.”

-J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Words I Live By: Be Kind...

Continuing this "Words I Live By" series, I have a much shorter one for this week:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a difficult battle."
-Supposedly this was said by Plato, but no one really knows

Of all the things people try to make themselves (smart, successful, rich, popular, etc.) kind is something that can often get overlooked.

Which is understandable because I feel like we use "nice" as a synonym for kind, and expressions like, "Oh yeah, she's nice" get thrown around without really meaning anything. So kindness gets really downplayed. Like, anyone who isn't a sociopath is considered "nice." It's not really something you have to work too hard to achieve.

But if you really think about it, being kind is a lot more than just someone shrugging and saying "yeah she's nice." To be kind you are going out of your way to do good for someone. You are putting aside an impulse to be selfish, or to be impatient, or to save yourself hassle because you know it will make someone else's day easier or better.

The other half of this quote revolves around a really important life fact: we are all the same.

Of course, we are all unique and different, and whatever other stuff your parents told you when you were little to make you feel special. But everything in life can always be looked at from both sides, and the flip side to "you are unique" is that "everyone is the same." We all generally want to be healthy and happy and comfortable, we all think that we are the most important people in the world, and we all have problems. Sure, some people's problems may be more severe than others, but to the person who only knows how it feels to have their own problems, it's all relative. So, everyone is always fighting some sort of battle, whether it be publicly known, or an internal battle. Everyone's always got something going on that's weighing on them.

We owe it to others to always keep this in mind.

I feel like it's kind of weird to end posts about a quote with another quote, but I can't give up the tradition now!

Since I feel like my impatience most often gets in the way of my kindness I'll go with this one:


"Patience is the most necessary quality for business, many a man would rather you heard his story than grant his request."
-Lord Chesterfield