Note: This blog post was originally supposed to be about how I could be a sportscaster because most of the stuff they say is dumb and obvious and I think I could do better. But halfway through, I started to realize that it probably wasn't true. So I began to argue with myself. And instead of just deleting this post and starting over, I've decided to just let you see what it's like to be inside my brain for a couple of minutes. Enjoy.
You know how sometimes you look at someone else's really cool or high-paying job and you think to yourself, "I could totally do that!"?
There are usually two things that prompt you to say something like that:
1.) The job looks so simple that surely anyone with a brain could perform it
2.) The person who currently has the job is so terrible at it that you are convinced you couldn't possibly do any worse than they do.
When I watch sports, I can't help but think about #2 as I listen to the sportscasters.
When I was younger and didn't care as much about sports, I would listen to the sportscasters and think that they knew everything. But then I got older, watched games more often, and realized that it was more just the fact that I knew nothing that made them seem like they knew everything.
The vast majority of what they say is so painfully obvious that it's actually comical:
"I cannot stress enough the importance of every player playing their best in these playoff games."
"They really need to score here."
Or, they are spouting the most random statistics that have no actual meaning:
"This is the 5th time in the past 6 seasons that this team has been trailing by 7 or more points with 10 minutes left in the 2nd quarter."
Now, the thing is, while part of me is fairly certain that I could be a better sportscaster than at least half of all the people on the air, the other part of me asks, "well, how would you do that Jenny?"
And the answer is that I have no idea. I'm sure I would say the same dumb stuff they all say because it's hard to talk for 3 hours straight and not say something unintelligent or uninformed or stupid sounding. Sometimes I can't even say a single sentence without sounding like that. Like when someone wishes me a happy birthday and I say "Thanks! You too!" ...that's only 3 words and I still manage to mess it up.
Although, then again, I'm not getting paid to speak to people. Maybe I'd be more on top of my game if I were.
Note: The positive thing about this circular argument is that I now know what I'd do for my on-air act. I'd just argue with myself like I do in this blog. I'd be like those two heckling muppets but you'd only have to pay for one of me!
See?? I could totally do this sportscaster stuff.
"And then I said to myself, 'Kyle,' ....That's what I call myself. Kyle."
-Eric Matthews, Boy Meets World
Friday, June 21, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Baby Steps to Self-Improvement
Awhile back, I wrote about useless verbal filler, and how I cringe when I say terrible things like, "alrighty then."
Along those lines, I'm realizing that there are lots of other little things that I say or do that I really wish I didn't. These things don't keep me up at night or anything. It's more just that every time I find myself doing or saying these things, I sigh a little bit to myself and silently (and falsely) vow to never do or say that ever again, and then I move on.
For example, I wish I didn't:
Along those lines, I'm realizing that there are lots of other little things that I say or do that I really wish I didn't. These things don't keep me up at night or anything. It's more just that every time I find myself doing or saying these things, I sigh a little bit to myself and silently (and falsely) vow to never do or say that ever again, and then I move on.
For example, I wish I didn't:
- Say "OOH sorry!!" every time I bump into someone, or even when they bump into me
- Yawn without covering my mouth
- Yell "wooo!" when I slip, trip, stumble or fall
- Say "me too!" whenever someone says they're tired
- Become a stuttering spaz every time I answer my phone at work
- Respond to compliments by saying something like, "Oh this piece of crap shirt? I got it at Target."
- Forget to put someone's address in my phone after promising to myself, "THIS time I'm going to put their address into my phone!"
- Put my phone on my lap while driving, only to then get out of my car, forgetting my phone is on my lap, and have it crash all the way to the pavement
- Use ellipses...in every tweet that I write (seriously, go check out my Twitter. I have a problem.)
- Ever talk about how many calories I'm consuming. I'm already eating them, so the damage is done. Plus, no one cares.
- Excessively use "haha" in all forms of online communication
That list is not comprehensive, but it's a good start.
Maybe I'll just focus on tackling two or three every week. If I can go one whole week without errant use of "haha" or "ooh sorry!" I would call that week a success.
Baby steps, people, baby steps.
"...I have really bad breath in the morning?"
"Ew."
-Mean Girls
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Window Watching
How can I say this without sounding like a total creep?
....I give up. I'm just going for it.
I love looking in people's windows.
I don't walk up to their houses to peer in, or climb trees to get a better look. I just mean that if I'm driving past someone's house, or in a conference room at work that's directly across from someone's window, I like looking in and seeing what's going on. I like seeing how it's decorated. At Christmas time I love looking for Christmas trees.
Yesterday during a meeting I'm pretty sure I saw a therapy session happening in the building across from us. I could only see the woman who I thought was the therapist, but she seemed very attentive to whoever was facing her, and she was taking notes. Or maybe it wasn't a therapy session at all--maybe I just got that idea in my head and then I just made all the things I saw happening fit into that narrative.
I remember being on buses when I was in high school or college on my way to track meets and looking down into people's car windows wondering what their story was, or where they were going. Usually, I was wishing I was in the car with them--wherever they were going had to be better than running the 400. And now that I'm riding in cars more often than buses, I find myself looking up into the tinted windows of the buses, wondering where those people are going. Or if they're watching a movie on their iPad. Boy, do I wish I was watching a movie in my car.
Nighttime makes everyone's houses look more inviting. The lights are always glowing yellow. And they're always having family dinner, or watching a Red Sox game on TV, or doing something else adorable that I always kind of wish I could be a part of.
One time when we were in Italy my family walked past someone's window while they were in the middle of some sort of aggressive dispute. Maybe if our cell phones had worked we would have called the cops. But anyways...I did not wish to be a part of that. That was one window I was perfectly happy to bypass.
Maybe looking through someone's window is like when you first meet someone but don't know too much about them. By glancing in a window, you can't really know what someone's whole house looks like, or what's going on in all the other rooms--all you see is the yellow glow of their lamps, and what TV show they're watching. It's a rosy picture, and an incomplete one. But if you were to open the door and walk in, you'd get a whole different view--a more complete view. And maybe your opinion of them would change. Maybe you would see a mess on the floor, or rotten food in the fridge, or worse. Maybe their house wouldn't seem as put together when you're looking from the inside as when you're looking from the outside.
People are always messier than they first appear to be when you glance at them. And I think that's fine. I love looking in people's windows, but I would much rather walk through a friend's door instead. Even if it's messy inside.
That was really corny. Sorry.
"I don't understand what Dad was doing in the middle of the street?"
"What was it George? Bird-watching?"
"What, Lorraine?? What??"
-Back to the Future
....I give up. I'm just going for it.
I love looking in people's windows.
I don't walk up to their houses to peer in, or climb trees to get a better look. I just mean that if I'm driving past someone's house, or in a conference room at work that's directly across from someone's window, I like looking in and seeing what's going on. I like seeing how it's decorated. At Christmas time I love looking for Christmas trees.
Yesterday during a meeting I'm pretty sure I saw a therapy session happening in the building across from us. I could only see the woman who I thought was the therapist, but she seemed very attentive to whoever was facing her, and she was taking notes. Or maybe it wasn't a therapy session at all--maybe I just got that idea in my head and then I just made all the things I saw happening fit into that narrative.
I remember being on buses when I was in high school or college on my way to track meets and looking down into people's car windows wondering what their story was, or where they were going. Usually, I was wishing I was in the car with them--wherever they were going had to be better than running the 400. And now that I'm riding in cars more often than buses, I find myself looking up into the tinted windows of the buses, wondering where those people are going. Or if they're watching a movie on their iPad. Boy, do I wish I was watching a movie in my car.
Nighttime makes everyone's houses look more inviting. The lights are always glowing yellow. And they're always having family dinner, or watching a Red Sox game on TV, or doing something else adorable that I always kind of wish I could be a part of.
One time when we were in Italy my family walked past someone's window while they were in the middle of some sort of aggressive dispute. Maybe if our cell phones had worked we would have called the cops. But anyways...I did not wish to be a part of that. That was one window I was perfectly happy to bypass.
Maybe looking through someone's window is like when you first meet someone but don't know too much about them. By glancing in a window, you can't really know what someone's whole house looks like, or what's going on in all the other rooms--all you see is the yellow glow of their lamps, and what TV show they're watching. It's a rosy picture, and an incomplete one. But if you were to open the door and walk in, you'd get a whole different view--a more complete view. And maybe your opinion of them would change. Maybe you would see a mess on the floor, or rotten food in the fridge, or worse. Maybe their house wouldn't seem as put together when you're looking from the inside as when you're looking from the outside.
People are always messier than they first appear to be when you glance at them. And I think that's fine. I love looking in people's windows, but I would much rather walk through a friend's door instead. Even if it's messy inside.
That was really corny. Sorry.
"I don't understand what Dad was doing in the middle of the street?"
"What was it George? Bird-watching?"
"What, Lorraine?? What??"
-Back to the Future
Friday, May 17, 2013
Go for a Spin Around my Mind
I'm not even sure this can really be considered a blog post. It's more just a single thought I had yesterday.
But I guess a blog post can sort of be whatever I want it to be, right?
Anyways, recently I've started taking spinning classes, and one of the hardest things to get used to is knowing how much resistance to put on the bike when the instructor tells you to.
Sometimes instructors will say a "quarter turn" or whatever...but you never really know from what point you should be starting, and all of that.
And then I started thinking about all of the technology we have these days. I actually wrote a post about it awhile back. And I thought to myself, why can they not make spinning bikes that quantify resistance so the instructor can just say "turn your resistance to 10?" They have that for other stationary bikes at the gym.
Now--a lot of times, people think thoughts like that and then they just shrug and go, "well that's dumb. I can't believe no one has thought of that." But, I like to give people a little credit where I can, so I need to bring this a step further. It cannot be true that no one has ever thought, "let's quantify the resistance on these bikes." There must be a good reason for it.
There must not be a demand for it. Maybe it would change the dynamics of spin class. Maybe it is an important aspect of spinning class that everyone is working at their own resistance. Every person has their own effort scale of 1-10. And that effort scale may not correspond with the 1-10 resistance scale on the bikes. So a 6 on the bike for one in-shape person may feel like a 6 on their effort scale. But, for the poor schlub that just started taking the class (that would be me) a 6 on the bike may feel like an 8 on my effort scale. And what's most important about class is how hard you (personally) are working.
Maybe this is just one of those things that's always been obvious for everyone else...but I felt like I had a breakthrough when I pieced this all together.
So, I figured I'd share.
"The distance the shotput goes is determined by the effort you put into it...PERSPIRATION!!"
-Ms. Trunchbull, Matilda
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
A Life-Ruiner for a Day?
So, I just read a Thought Catalog post entitled A Warning To The Girls Who Will Idolize Daisy Buchanan and it got me thinking...
(An important explanation if you don't know anything about The Great Gatsby: Daisy Buchanan is essentially a woman that married a rich, mean guy who is exactly her equal but she somehow still makes herself into the victim of everything. Gatsby is in love with her, but because she's a life ruiner ["she ruins people's lives!!"] she's pretty much his downfall.)
I have this running joke with my friends about how I want to ruin a guy.
I will take a moment right here to restate the word "joke." You have been warned.
It seems like so many guys out there are scarred from one Daisy Buchanan-like girl who trampled all over his life, and now he can't even look at pizza, or hear a song by Maroon 5 without thinking of her and getting chest palpitations. I want to be so careless that I destroy an entire genre of music for someone. Or accidentally get them arrested for trespassing. Or unwittingly become the cause of some giant bar fight between my boyfriend and half of the bar because I complained to him that a guy looked at me the wrong way. I want to smile and giggle unaffectedly as I look over my shoulder to see the giant ball of exploding fire that is my now ex-boyfriend's life. "Woops...did I do that??"
I want every new girlfriend this guy has after me to absolutely hate me because of all of the ways I ruined her boyfriend. "Sorry honey, I'd love to go to (insert name of most popular bar in city) for our anniversary but I'm eternally banned from there ever since I got in this huge fight defending my ex-girlfriend Jenny's honor."
Here's where I'll remind you once again, this is a scenario that we joke about. The reason this is a joke is because in reality, that is not what I want at all. I could never go through with something like that. But sometimes it just seems so tempting. Sometimes I get this epiphany that I would get so much more attention if I lived my life as a Daisy Buchanan.
(By the way, I feel comfortable admitting all of this here for two reasons. Firstly, most of you who read this know me personally and know that if I so much as cancel dinner plans with someone I feel guilty about it for 2 weeks--I'm not really going to go around stomping on people's lives. And secondly, because I am confident that while you may judge me for a second, you will then do that introspective thing where you think to yourself, "Have I ever done anything, or been tempted to do anything because I wanted attention?" and you will sympathize.)
I wish there was a day like Halloween, only with personalities instead of costumes. I just want to try being a life-ruiner for one day. But then have there be no actual consequences. I don't want to get anyone arrested for something they didn't do, or, you know, get anyone shot in their pools or anything. But I want to know what it feels like to be the type of girl that could if she wanted to.
Are you terrified of me yet?
Please don't be. Read this post I wrote last August about how all I want to do is not inconvenience people and you can be reminded that I'm really not this scary.
That is all :)
“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
(An important explanation if you don't know anything about The Great Gatsby: Daisy Buchanan is essentially a woman that married a rich, mean guy who is exactly her equal but she somehow still makes herself into the victim of everything. Gatsby is in love with her, but because she's a life ruiner ["she ruins people's lives!!"] she's pretty much his downfall.)
I have this running joke with my friends about how I want to ruin a guy.
I will take a moment right here to restate the word "joke." You have been warned.
It seems like so many guys out there are scarred from one Daisy Buchanan-like girl who trampled all over his life, and now he can't even look at pizza, or hear a song by Maroon 5 without thinking of her and getting chest palpitations. I want to be so careless that I destroy an entire genre of music for someone. Or accidentally get them arrested for trespassing. Or unwittingly become the cause of some giant bar fight between my boyfriend and half of the bar because I complained to him that a guy looked at me the wrong way. I want to smile and giggle unaffectedly as I look over my shoulder to see the giant ball of exploding fire that is my now ex-boyfriend's life. "Woops...did I do that??"
I want every new girlfriend this guy has after me to absolutely hate me because of all of the ways I ruined her boyfriend. "Sorry honey, I'd love to go to (insert name of most popular bar in city) for our anniversary but I'm eternally banned from there ever since I got in this huge fight defending my ex-girlfriend Jenny's honor."
Here's where I'll remind you once again, this is a scenario that we joke about. The reason this is a joke is because in reality, that is not what I want at all. I could never go through with something like that. But sometimes it just seems so tempting. Sometimes I get this epiphany that I would get so much more attention if I lived my life as a Daisy Buchanan.
(By the way, I feel comfortable admitting all of this here for two reasons. Firstly, most of you who read this know me personally and know that if I so much as cancel dinner plans with someone I feel guilty about it for 2 weeks--I'm not really going to go around stomping on people's lives. And secondly, because I am confident that while you may judge me for a second, you will then do that introspective thing where you think to yourself, "Have I ever done anything, or been tempted to do anything because I wanted attention?" and you will sympathize.)
I wish there was a day like Halloween, only with personalities instead of costumes. I just want to try being a life-ruiner for one day. But then have there be no actual consequences. I don't want to get anyone arrested for something they didn't do, or, you know, get anyone shot in their pools or anything. But I want to know what it feels like to be the type of girl that could if she wanted to.
Are you terrified of me yet?
Please don't be. Read this post I wrote last August about how all I want to do is not inconvenience people and you can be reminded that I'm really not this scary.
That is all :)
“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Defying Gravity? ...And all other logic and sense
Many television shows and movies present us with a world full of things that can't really exist in the world we live in--magic, talking animals, inanimate objects that move around, Charlie Sheen, and more. And I enjoy these sorts of things that meld reality with fantasy. I'm willing to embrace the impossible for a few hours at a time.
But what's funny is that even when I'm watching something that could never happen in real life, I still hold the show or film to some real life standards.
The other day I was watching Spongebob. (Yes, I just admitted to that.) And Spongebob and Patrick were planning on going golfing, but then it started to rain.
....They live at the bottom of the sea. How does it rain underwater? That makes no sense!!
But you know what else makes no sense? A talking sponge. Who wears square pants. And is best friends with a dumb talking starfish and a squirrel who has to wear a space suit while underwater.
The entire show is completely nonsensical. So why would it bother me when it began to rain underwater?
Or, whenever I watch Beauty and the Beast, I can't help but notice Mrs. Potts is way too old to have Chip as a son. But the thing about that is that we're talking about an enchanted tea pot. And her tea cup son. So we are already far past the point of "all of this has to make total sense." Yet we still try.
I'll stick with the Disney theme and move onto Enchanted. It's a story that takes place half in a cartoon-world and half in Manhattan. Giselle, the main character is about to get married when her soon-to-be-step-mother-in-law gives her the boot out of fairytale world. (It's actually called Andalasia, but that's neither here nor there.) Anyways, I'll spare you more details, but when she's in the "real world" she cuts out Patrick Dempsey's curtains to make a dress:
"You may hate gravity, but gravity doesn't care."
-Clayton Christensen
But what's funny is that even when I'm watching something that could never happen in real life, I still hold the show or film to some real life standards.
The other day I was watching Spongebob. (Yes, I just admitted to that.) And Spongebob and Patrick were planning on going golfing, but then it started to rain.
....They live at the bottom of the sea. How does it rain underwater? That makes no sense!!
But you know what else makes no sense? A talking sponge. Who wears square pants. And is best friends with a dumb talking starfish and a squirrel who has to wear a space suit while underwater.
The entire show is completely nonsensical. So why would it bother me when it began to rain underwater?
Or, whenever I watch Beauty and the Beast, I can't help but notice Mrs. Potts is way too old to have Chip as a son. But the thing about that is that we're talking about an enchanted tea pot. And her tea cup son. So we are already far past the point of "all of this has to make total sense." Yet we still try.
 |
| Like, no way. |
 |
| Amy Adams is adorable, but physics must still apply. |
Look. I know this girl just came from Andalasia and everything about this movie is bizarre and magical...but those curtains straight up defy gravity. They wouldn't just hang there like that!
I'm not sure I can really pinpoint why these small details bother me when the overall implausibility or impossibility of the plot doesn't.
Maybe something about defying actual rules of science? ...but then again, magic would be included in that. So, I really just don't know.
-Clayton Christensen
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Sharing Boston
I decided over the weekend that this week's blog post would be about the Boston Marathon. I didn't really know what angle I'd take with it. I was most likely going to talk about how it's always been one of my favorite days of the year. When I was younger it signified a day full of hot dogs and hamburgers and playing with my cousins and passing out water to the runners. And now that I'm older it signifies the one day a year that everyone in my city actually cares about running. And maybe it also signifies a day of day drinking and cheering for random people I don't know, and a few people that I do.
But after the bombs went off on Monday, it was as if my angle was chosen for me. I couldn't not talk about it. I feel so badly for those who lost their lives, were injured or were emotionally traumatized by Monday's attack. It's something that I never imagined happening--no one did. And to an extent, it still does not feel real.
For the most part, I feel as if all that I can say about Monday has already been said by news stations and other bloggers. Boston is a strong city. We will overcome this. We will surround those who were directly affected with all the support they need. I truly believe all of this. But some of my other feelings about this situation have been all over the place--sadness, anger, confusion, annoyance. And reading what other people feel has been helpful, but I'm still trying to work out some things on my own.
Firstly, I feel sorry for all the runners who trained for months to either not be able to complete the race, or to complete it, but then to feel their accomplishment is forever tainted.
I know that no runner in Monday's marathon will admit their disappointment, because there are much larger things at play here, and much more important things to fret over. But to everyone who ran the marathon, whether you finished or not--I know how hard you worked, and I am so sorry you didn't get to experience the joy and sense of accomplishment that it should have brought you.
And secondly, I think something I've been struggling with in recent days is learning how to share. All of the sudden, everyone wants to be a part of Boston, everyone loves the Boston Marathon. Instead of being something I share with my family and friends and the people I stand next to as we shout "GO PINK SHIRT!! YOU CAN DO IT! HERE WE GO LISA! YEAH NAVY ATHLETICS!!", the marathon has now become something (largely through social media) that I share with the whole country. Even the whole world.
And in some ways, that is great. I am so impressed with how quickly people have rushed to support Boston, and those who live and/or work in the city, and were affected by the attack.
But in other ways--more selfish ways--it's been a little tough to realize that a day that you hold so close to your heart is now held in everyone else's heart too.
Again, this feeling may not be something that people in Boston are willing to admit. Because the outpouring of love has been so great, and the attack was so tragic. But I can't help but feel like I used to feel in high school when that great, unknown band that I loved suddenly became mainstream and popular.
Along with all of the questions everyone in the city, and the country has--Who would do such a thing? Are we really safe anywhere? What can we do to stop these things from continuously occurring?--I'm also left with selfish questions that I've been a little afraid to ask--Will Marathon Monday not be the same anymore? Will it become so popular that I won't even be able to find a spot to cheer from anymore? How long will I have to walk past police officers holding machine guns? Were people afraid of my pink gym bag that I took on the T this morning?
I know that the Boston Marathon was never really "mine" to begin with, and that what happened Monday doesn't take the marathon away from me, or anyone else who loves it as much as I do. No one, except the person or persons who planted those bombs, is trying to take it away from me. This attack has brought to light what a positive and heartwarming event the Boston Marathon truly is--and people just want to be a part of that. And who could blame them? Maybe sharing it will make it even better--and help us all heal faster.
"Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."
-Stephen Chbosky, Perks of Being a Wallflower
But after the bombs went off on Monday, it was as if my angle was chosen for me. I couldn't not talk about it. I feel so badly for those who lost their lives, were injured or were emotionally traumatized by Monday's attack. It's something that I never imagined happening--no one did. And to an extent, it still does not feel real.
For the most part, I feel as if all that I can say about Monday has already been said by news stations and other bloggers. Boston is a strong city. We will overcome this. We will surround those who were directly affected with all the support they need. I truly believe all of this. But some of my other feelings about this situation have been all over the place--sadness, anger, confusion, annoyance. And reading what other people feel has been helpful, but I'm still trying to work out some things on my own.
Firstly, I feel sorry for all the runners who trained for months to either not be able to complete the race, or to complete it, but then to feel their accomplishment is forever tainted.
I know that no runner in Monday's marathon will admit their disappointment, because there are much larger things at play here, and much more important things to fret over. But to everyone who ran the marathon, whether you finished or not--I know how hard you worked, and I am so sorry you didn't get to experience the joy and sense of accomplishment that it should have brought you.
And secondly, I think something I've been struggling with in recent days is learning how to share. All of the sudden, everyone wants to be a part of Boston, everyone loves the Boston Marathon. Instead of being something I share with my family and friends and the people I stand next to as we shout "GO PINK SHIRT!! YOU CAN DO IT! HERE WE GO LISA! YEAH NAVY ATHLETICS!!", the marathon has now become something (largely through social media) that I share with the whole country. Even the whole world.
And in some ways, that is great. I am so impressed with how quickly people have rushed to support Boston, and those who live and/or work in the city, and were affected by the attack.
But in other ways--more selfish ways--it's been a little tough to realize that a day that you hold so close to your heart is now held in everyone else's heart too.
Again, this feeling may not be something that people in Boston are willing to admit. Because the outpouring of love has been so great, and the attack was so tragic. But I can't help but feel like I used to feel in high school when that great, unknown band that I loved suddenly became mainstream and popular.
Along with all of the questions everyone in the city, and the country has--Who would do such a thing? Are we really safe anywhere? What can we do to stop these things from continuously occurring?--I'm also left with selfish questions that I've been a little afraid to ask--Will Marathon Monday not be the same anymore? Will it become so popular that I won't even be able to find a spot to cheer from anymore? How long will I have to walk past police officers holding machine guns? Were people afraid of my pink gym bag that I took on the T this morning?
I know that the Boston Marathon was never really "mine" to begin with, and that what happened Monday doesn't take the marathon away from me, or anyone else who loves it as much as I do. No one, except the person or persons who planted those bombs, is trying to take it away from me. This attack has brought to light what a positive and heartwarming event the Boston Marathon truly is--and people just want to be a part of that. And who could blame them? Maybe sharing it will make it even better--and help us all heal faster.
"Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."
-Stephen Chbosky, Perks of Being a Wallflower
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