Christmas Carol Complaints

Christmas is probably the time of year that I listen to music the most. There's something about Christmas music that's really comforting. Maybe because it's always the same? They make a brand new Christmas song, what? every 30 years max? It's not easy to crank out a Christmas classic.

Christmas is also the only time of year that I can not only tolerate, but actually love Michael Buble with all of my heart.

But, as much as I love Christmas music, there are a couple of Christmas songs I hear each year that totally bug me. And what would this blog be if I didn't have a weekly bone to pick?

The first song I want to talk about is "Carol of the Bells:"

There is no denying this is an epic song. But it also scares the crap out of me. It starts really soft and high-pitched and eerie, and then they add more music, and more voices, and then they add more music, and all the voices get even louder and then it's this really intense symphony and I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of severe thunderstorm and I just want to cover my ears and rock back and forth in the fetal position. (Ok, look. Now that I'm listening to it as a *mostly* rational 24 year old...this song isn't really that scary. But as I explained here it's hard to get over childhood fears!)

Next up is "Little Saint Nick" that I'm pretty sure has never been sung by anyone other than the Beach Boys. And for good reason.

The song itself is catchy. I like the tune. But, I'm a words-girl and I cannot, in good conscience, listen to a song that includes the line: "Christmas comes this time each year." That's just...so painfully obvious. I don't even know. I'm surprised more people haven't used that line as a Facebook status.

Lastly, but not least...ly. Darn. Last but not least, is "Santa Baby." To prove my point, I found the most irritating version of this song available:

It is my strong, prudish belief that sex should not be involved in Christmas in any way. So "Santa Baby" really freaks me out. I'm not even sure that I know the majority of the lyrics because I'm always too caught up in the voice every singer uses in that song. It's a sound that can only be made by puckering your lips and maybe removing some clothing.


"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow."
-"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," (Which I just decided is my favorite Christmas song) Written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane

Suspenseless...Stress More?

I've written before about why certain types of TV shows and movies stress me out. (See here.) But sometimes there is no basis for the stress I feel while watching a movie or TV show, but I can't help but feel it anyways. Below are 3 conditions that should remove all suspense/stress from my viewing experience, but do not:

1.) When you hear on the news that an actor/actress has quit a TV show.

Katherine Heigl leaving Grey's Anatomy is one example. Her quitting Grey's was one of the more publicized stories in Entertainment news at the time. Yet, I still sat there on that Thursday night, biting my nails wondering if Izzie would stick around. Of course she wouldn't! The real world trumps TV world. And I know that, but I still couldn't believe she was really gone. 

2.) When a movie is based on historical fact.

I finally saw Argo a few weeks ago. Not only do I know how the Iranian hostage crisis turned out in real-life, I also had listened to about 8 different people recap the entire plot of the movie before I actually saw it. So I know they rescue the people from the Canadian Embassy. I know Ben Affleck saves the day. (Would Ben Affleck ever make a movie where Ben Affleck doesn't save the day?) But I still was gripping the sides of my chair as they were walking through the airport, on the verge of being discovered. 

3.) When a movie begins at the end.

Catch Me if You Can is one of my all-time favorite movies. It basically starts with Leonardo DiCaprio's character saying that when he was younger, he was captured by police, tried for his crimes, and did prison time. And then it goes back in time, and launches into his story. So you know the entire time that he gets caught at the end. But you still wonder if maybe there's a chance he's going to get away, or Carl (the FBI agent played by Tom Hanks) will let him go.

I would venture to say that it is probably a sign of a good movie or TV show if they can create suspense out of a situation where all real suspense has been removed--either purposefully, or because the real world intervened. But, I would also venture to say that I'm just a really high-strung viewer. 

"You know why the Yankees always win? Because the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes."

-Frank Abagnale Sr. (Christopher Walken), Catch Me if You Can

Captain Obvious

I could write a novel about Facebook statuses. The funny statuses, the sad statuses, the ones that I honestly and truly have found really interesting to read, the ones that make me cringe, and so on. But today I'll focus on one kind of status in particular--the obvious/obligatory status.

This may sound somewhat specific...but I assure you it covers quite a wide range. In fact, I will break it down into 3 sub-categories and probably still won't cover the whole category. Here goes:

The 3 Main Types of Obvious/Obligatory Facebook Statuses:

1.) Holiday/Birthday
This type of status can best be summed up with the following:
a.) "Thanks for the birthday wishes!"
b.) "Merry Christmas everyone!"

First off, I want you to say out loud, "Thank you for the birthday wishes!" ...how dumb do you sound? No one says that out loud. Second of all, on national and/or international holidays, it is Christmas/4th of July/Thanksgiving, etc. for everyone. It is the most obvious thing in the world to just write, "Merry Christmas!" and post it. You might as well just post daily, "It is August 14th." "Now it is August 15th." It's not that it's not nice to wish all 947 of your friends a Merry Christmas, it's just that when I read it I can't help but think, "Well, duh."

2.) Weather
Includes:
a.) "*****Snow*****"
b.) "Hurricane time!"
c.) "It's so hot out!"

Ok, go with me on this one: Everyone complains about how they hate small talk, right? That was probably your excuse to not go to your most recent high school reunion, right? Talking about weather is the perhaps ultimate form of small talk, right? Then WHY, oh WHY would you attempt to discuss it with slightly under 1,000 people at once by posting it as your Facebook status?

3.) Political Opinions/Non-Opinions
Specifically:
a.) "Putting myself in a binder! See ya in 4 years!"
b.) "Legitimate rape?! Are you kidding me??"
c.) "Don't care about the President, when is hockey coming back?"

Now, this one has a fine line. And I feel like people are going to misunderstand me on this one so I will try to be as clear as possible. Having a political opinion is great. Everyone deserves to have one. And if people want to write about it on Facebook, I don't really have a problem with it. I can read it and agree, read it and disagree, or ignore it altogether. That's fine. But what I do have a problem with is people posting about either their lack of opinion, or an "opinion" that every single person they are friends with will agree with. What is the point? 

If you grew up in New England, and 98% of your Facebook friends are from there as well, then it is a pretty unanimous conclusion that Todd Akin's legitimate rape comments from earlier this year were completely absurd. Therefore, you posting about how absurd you think it is does not drive further discussion, it just drives the same discussion over and over again where everyone just agrees with each other. And I'm not even sure that's considered a discussion.

Mitt Romney's "binders full of women" comment was hilarious. But it was really ephemeral. You had about a 5 minute window in which to tweet about it before you became wholly unoriginal, and maybe 12 hours on Facebook. And that's being generous.

And if you do not have an opinion, then I don't need to know about it. No one does. That's like posting, "There's a new restaurant in town." You wouldn't post that, because it doesn't do anything to help or advise or educate or even entertain anyone. You aren't even asking for other opinions. It's just a statement about something that you are completely entitled to have an opinion about but choose not to.

Thus concludes my break-down of what I see to be the 3 main types of obvious/obligatory Facebook statuses. Honestly, I've probably been guilty of posting a few of these in my Facebook lifetime, thus the word "obligatory." Because, really, how do you get around that "Thanks for the birthday wishes!" post without seeming like a thankless jerk?


"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin