Captain Obvious

I could write a novel about Facebook statuses. The funny statuses, the sad statuses, the ones that I honestly and truly have found really interesting to read, the ones that make me cringe, and so on. But today I'll focus on one kind of status in particular--the obvious/obligatory status.

This may sound somewhat specific...but I assure you it covers quite a wide range. In fact, I will break it down into 3 sub-categories and probably still won't cover the whole category. Here goes:

The 3 Main Types of Obvious/Obligatory Facebook Statuses:

1.) Holiday/Birthday
This type of status can best be summed up with the following:
a.) "Thanks for the birthday wishes!"
b.) "Merry Christmas everyone!"

First off, I want you to say out loud, "Thank you for the birthday wishes!" ...how dumb do you sound? No one says that out loud. Second of all, on national and/or international holidays, it is Christmas/4th of July/Thanksgiving, etc. for everyone. It is the most obvious thing in the world to just write, "Merry Christmas!" and post it. You might as well just post daily, "It is August 14th." "Now it is August 15th." It's not that it's not nice to wish all 947 of your friends a Merry Christmas, it's just that when I read it I can't help but think, "Well, duh."

2.) Weather
Includes:
a.) "*****Snow*****"
b.) "Hurricane time!"
c.) "It's so hot out!"

Ok, go with me on this one: Everyone complains about how they hate small talk, right? That was probably your excuse to not go to your most recent high school reunion, right? Talking about weather is the perhaps ultimate form of small talk, right? Then WHY, oh WHY would you attempt to discuss it with slightly under 1,000 people at once by posting it as your Facebook status?

3.) Political Opinions/Non-Opinions
Specifically:
a.) "Putting myself in a binder! See ya in 4 years!"
b.) "Legitimate rape?! Are you kidding me??"
c.) "Don't care about the President, when is hockey coming back?"

Now, this one has a fine line. And I feel like people are going to misunderstand me on this one so I will try to be as clear as possible. Having a political opinion is great. Everyone deserves to have one. And if people want to write about it on Facebook, I don't really have a problem with it. I can read it and agree, read it and disagree, or ignore it altogether. That's fine. But what I do have a problem with is people posting about either their lack of opinion, or an "opinion" that every single person they are friends with will agree with. What is the point? 

If you grew up in New England, and 98% of your Facebook friends are from there as well, then it is a pretty unanimous conclusion that Todd Akin's legitimate rape comments from earlier this year were completely absurd. Therefore, you posting about how absurd you think it is does not drive further discussion, it just drives the same discussion over and over again where everyone just agrees with each other. And I'm not even sure that's considered a discussion.

Mitt Romney's "binders full of women" comment was hilarious. But it was really ephemeral. You had about a 5 minute window in which to tweet about it before you became wholly unoriginal, and maybe 12 hours on Facebook. And that's being generous.

And if you do not have an opinion, then I don't need to know about it. No one does. That's like posting, "There's a new restaurant in town." You wouldn't post that, because it doesn't do anything to help or advise or educate or even entertain anyone. You aren't even asking for other opinions. It's just a statement about something that you are completely entitled to have an opinion about but choose not to.

Thus concludes my break-down of what I see to be the 3 main types of obvious/obligatory Facebook statuses. Honestly, I've probably been guilty of posting a few of these in my Facebook lifetime, thus the word "obligatory." Because, really, how do you get around that "Thanks for the birthday wishes!" post without seeming like a thankless jerk?


"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin