Hey, it's ok to...

Awhile back I wrote about magazines--particularly girly magazines--and the things about them that annoyed me. As entertaining as it is for me to make fun of magazines, I do look forward to reading some of the stuff they put in there. One of my favorite sections of any magazine is in Glamour when they do the "Hey, it's ok to..." Basically it's just a list of things that you may do, or say, or feel and then think to yourself "is that bad??" But then Glamour tells you "Hey! It's ok!" and then you feel better.

So I've come up with a few of my own. Some of them are things that I think/feel/do myself, so this is my way of making those things ok. (It can work like that...right?) Others are things that maybe I don't necessarily do, but I don't judge others for it.

Here goes:

It's ok to...

• like cold Pop Tarts more than Toaster Strudels.

• order ice cream when everyone else orders frozen yogurt.

• think Flo from the Progressive commercials is funny.

• say "oh my godddd, me too!!" when someone tells you they wish they were going back to college again this fall. Even though you totally don't.

• be from Boston but like Starbucks more than Dunkin Donuts.

• not be devastated about summer ending.

• never update your GPS and then complain when it's not accurate.

• watch a movie based off a book and never actually intend on reading the book.

• watch a movie based off a book and say, "that was actually really accurate!" rather than point out every reason that it wasn't.

• wear something from your fall wardrobe out of excitement and then sweat your ass off all day.

• not sign up for road races/triathlons. Sometimes running just isn't your thing. Even when they shoot color cannons at your face.

• make fun of Instagram until you download it and then become obsessed.

• lie about how often you wash your jeans.

Since I've apparently granted myself the magic power of deeming things to be ok, what else do you want me to approve of?

"I wanna be thirty. Thirty and flirty and thriving."

-Jenna Rink (Jennifer Garner), 13 Going on 30

The Perks of Agreeing with a Famous Author

I've been meaning to write a post about this particular topic for a while now...and then I made the stupid mistake of reading a book. And inside the book was legitimately the EXACT same idea that I had. Only this guy said it way better. And I was pissed. No--not really--I was pretty excited about it actually. As I've explained before, it's always nice to know that other people are thinking the same things you are...and when those other  people are famous authors, you get to feel smart for a couple minutes.

So here's what happened...I was rushing to read The Perks of Being a Wallflower before Hermione Granger gets plastered all over the cover of every reprint since she's in the movie coming out later this year. And while I love Hermione, (I know her name is Emma Watson) I feel more like an authentic reader if A-list celebrities aren't on the front cover of whatever I'm reading.

When I get to the end of the book I read this page that sums up EXACTLY how I feel on this one particular topic.

You know how when something really crappy happens to you, or you're having a bad day, there's always someone that says "well other people have it way worse," or "I wouldn't get too upset, it could be much worse!"? (Ok...someone remind me to figure out once and for all where I put these stupid question marks. Or remind me to stop asking rhetorical questions to avoid the issue altogether.)

Anyways, I can't stand when people say that. And if you say that to me you will inevitably get a swift "no shit!" right back. Because obviously worse things have happened and are happening to people everywhere. But I am not those people. And I only know what I know. Do I not get to have feelings because my life doesn't suck enough? Is there some sort of level of atrocity your life has to hit before you get to be upset about it? I understand not being a complete brat, or overreacting...but I still think you should be allowed to react. You're the only person who has to live your life. You should get to feel how you want about it.

So, that's my I-write-a-cheesy-blog-that-will-never-become-a-blockbuster-film-way of talking about the topic...and here's what Stephen Chbosky, the author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower says about it:

(Minor spoiler alert...nothing earth-shattering, but it gives away a little bit...so if that's going to annoy you then stop reading!)

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really changes the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad. Just like what my sister said when I had been in the hospital for awhile. She said that she was really worried about going to college, and considering what I was going through, she felt really dumb about it. But I don't know why she would feel dumb. I'd be worried too. And really, I don't think I have it any better or worse than she does. I don't know. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Like Sam said. Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."

Pretty good, right?

Thanks for being an unknowing guest blogger today, Stephen Chbosky. Way to out-shine me.


"Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it because they don't involve a ball."
-Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Where am I?

Human brains are typically pretty good at what they do...you know...like, thinking, and processing...and stuff. Incidentally, mine is not good at helping me write blog introductions.

What I'm trying to get to is that since our brains are usually good at helping us figure out what's going on in life, it's a strange feeling when you become very disoriented and confused by something. There are 3 situations that, no matter how often I experience them, my brain can still not comprehend what is going on, leading to at least a few seconds of internal static and typically a glazed over look on my face.

The first is when I get onto 1 elevator among a cluster of 4 elevators in a postage stamp formation (The initial feedback here is that the phrase "postage stamp formation" is confusing. I'll try to make a diagram to demonstrate what I mean instead.)

 [1]       [2]

YOUR OFFICE---------------------HALLWAY--------------NOT YOUR OFFICE

[3]      [4]

  
(Get it? Lovely. Moving on!) I take the elevator up to my floor, and when I get out, I NEVER know which direction my office is in. I need to look down the hallway for context clues. And if I try to make a guess, I am wrong 80% of the time, and anyone else that's still in the open elevator gets to see me walk in one direction, only to walk immediately in the opposite direction 2 seconds later. I imagine them quietly laughing at me as the doors close.

The next is when I'm exiting a big, winding parking garage. I need to see blueprints for parking garages, because I literally cannot comprehend how the cars entering, and the cars exiting don't collide with each other. If they did not have signs constantly saying "Exit -->" I think I would just drive forever, never reaching the exit.

Ok, so maybe, unlike me, you can understand the magic that is parking garages...but you will most definitely identify with this last one. This has to happen to everybody at some point...When you go into a movie theater in the middle of the day, and you come out expecting it to be dark. It doesn't matter if you went to a noon-time showing. You still come outside afterwards thinking that it's 10:00pm. Or maybe you know that it's not 10:00pm, but you still just anticipate it being dark. Even though that makes no sense. Gets me EVERY time.

Any other situations that throw your brain for a loop?


"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face."

-Johnny Depp

One Step at a Time

I'm never one to plan my future. I'm not reckless about my future or anything--I just have no idea what it's going to be. People always ask questions like, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" or "how long will you stay in your apartment?" or "do you want to stay in Boston?" and my answer is always the same: "I have no idea," "I guess I'll stay until I don't like it anymore," etc.

I think it's because when I look far into the future I get stressed out about all the things that I'm going to have to do to get myself there, and it all seems so daunting--but then I realized over the years that thinking about things is the scariest part, and when you're actually there doing the things you anticipated yourself doing, it's really not so bad.

It's like when someone tells you about getting their fingers slammed in the car door. When they're telling you about it, you squirm in your seat, maybe feel a little sick to your stomach, sub-consciously grab hold of your precious fingers and hope it never happens to you...

But then it does happen to you. You scream, yell a few obscenities, take some advil, and move on with your life. You find a way to deal with it because you have to. It's what's on your plate at that given moment and you have to take it.

Thinking about writing my senior thesis in college was one of the scariest things of the first half of my college experience. I would hear seniors complaining, slaving away for hours in the library, crying in their adviser's office etc. And I was horrified. Until I actually wrote my thesis. And I was fine. And I didn't cry. I spent a lot of time in the library but so did everyone else, so it was fine.

For me, I feel like the best way to live my life, or at least to view myself living my life, is in small chunks of time. So that is how I always do things. I keep my head down, and just keep doing what I'm doing and all the sudden I look up and a year has gone by. And I never feel like it's wasted, because I took every day as it came to me, and I did what I wanted with it. If something needed to change, I changed it. If it could stay the same, I kept it the same.

This is how I think of all the smaller components of my life now too, because I find it much less daunting. When I go out for a run, or to do a workout, I never think of the workout as a whole. If I do, I inevitably fall apart. 

Say I'm going out for 7 miles...I start off telling myself to just do 4, and we'll figure out the last 3 when we get there. When I get to mile 2 and my legs hurt because I did absolutely no warm-up before this run, I tell myself to only think of the next 2 miles...not the next 5. Because, like I said before, we'll figure out the last 3 when we get there. So then I finally get to the last 3, and then depending on how I'm feeling, I'll split it up 2 and 1. Just get through these next 2 miles, and then anyone can run 1 mile...it'll be easy! If I find myself sucking wind and wishing I could stop, then I break it down into even smaller pieces. Now I'm just thinking about the next mile ahead of me. Still too daunting? Ok. The next 800 meters. Still no? Alright, just run until the next driveway. Ok good, now the next driveway...and the next...until the driveway I get to is finally my own.

This mindset isn't always foolproof. It's hard not to try to peek into your future every once in awhile. Last Sunday on my 7 mile run I quite literally spent the entirety of the last 3 miles of the run wondering how the hell I'm ever going to run 13.1 miles on September 30th if I can't even do 7 without wanting to stop. So that wasn't really encouraging. Once I caught my breath after the run, I regained sight of the fact that I can just do those 13.1 miles like I do everything else. 4 miles at a time, or 2 miles at a time, or a half mile at a time, or by bribing myself with beer and junk food at the finish line. I'll figure it out when I get there. I'll continue to train to make sure I'm prepared to run without collapsing, but so much of how you perform on a race day has to do with how your mind is that day. Will it be a day that you can look at 13.1 and see 4+4+2+2+1+.1? Or will it be a day when you look at 13.1 and just see 13.1?

This post ended up more about running than I thought it would. But I'm glad it did because it demonstrates how I don't plan really plan for things. Every single week I think to myself for at least a quick second "what if I run out blog topics?" "what if I can't think of one for next week?" But then I remember that I thought the same thing last week, and the week before...and at this point last week, this post that I'm writing today hadn't even crossed my mind. So the same thing will probably happen next week with a new topic. Things always work out like that...we find a way to make them work out.


"I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free."
-Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel), Fast and the Furious
(I tried so hard to avoid this quote at the end of this post...but I just couldn't let it go.)

"And if ya don't know, now ya know..."

If you've known me for just about any amount of time, or seen me in any party setting, you know that I have a weird obsession with knowing lyrics to songs. Memorizing written/spoken word is one of my favorite nerd activities (along with trivia and word games).

And I don't really discriminate either. Here's a random smattering of some things I have memorized in my lifetime: Paul Revere's Ride by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "The Way I Am" by Eminem (and countless other songs by him), the entire opening monologue of The Wild Thornberries (Hi! I'm Eliza, part of your average family...), the FUN song from Spongebob, "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio, pretty much every scene from Matilda...the list could go on and on.

For whatever reason, however, there are two songs that I repeatedly come in contact with that I just cannot memorize. The two have nothing to do with each other, and one of them I probably should know at this point...but it just hasn't happened. So instead, I sit enviously watching those who have conquered the words.

I'll start with the more difficult of the two. If you know the words to this song, you have my unwavering respect (when it comes to memorization skills)....

I'll give you a couple seconds to guess what it is....





"We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.

If you have EVER defended a professional singer for forgetting the words to our national anthem, I want you to reconsider after thinking about the fact that Billy Joel sings this song. Even if he has a teleprompter or something. I don't even think I could read this song correctly.

Unlike most other songs, there are absolutely no context clues as to what random pop culture reference is coming up next. Anyone who has memorized this song must have some pretty stellar mnemonic device-making skills. (That word isn't spelled pneumonic by the way...I looked it up.)

The other song I can't get a grasp on is "Juicy" by Notorious B.I.G. For some reason, I missed the memo way back when that it was cool to know all the words to this song. And I feel bested by anyone who gets past "It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up Magazine." I know random lines here and there but I can never really seem to connect them all. So about every 20 seconds I can contribute "Stereotypes of a black male misunderstood..." "Super nintendo, sega genesis.." "birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne when we're thirsty..." but sadly, it's the best I can do.

Did I mention that I know every word to Nelly's "Hot in Hurr"?


"Mr. Viscardi Eats Many Juicy Steaks Upon New Plates"
-The mnemonic device I was taught to remember the order of the planets

"Thought-full"

I am a painfully self-aware person. I analyze all of the things I say, think and do every day. Whether I'm yelling at myself for doing something stupid, or patting myself on the back for doing something right, my focus is always on what I'm doing.

Obviously, that sounds really selfish. But I'm going to make a case that's it not. The way I look at it, it's actually my way of being selfless. Lots of people will disagree with the way I do things, but the majority of things I do in my life, I do to make other people happy. The flip-side of that is a lot of my time is spent just not trying to piss people off. That's where the self-awareness comes into play.

I see people every day who live their life as if they are literally the only human being present. It horrifies me. On Sunday I ran in the Falmouth Road Race...13,000 or so registered runners trying to cram into a town that really only fits a third of that at best. So at 9:00am in the pouring rain, I'm waiting in probably a quarter-mile line for the porta-potties (I was considering lying about what I was standing in line for...but you try running 7 miles when you haven't peed for 3 hours prior...I'm not gonna sugar-coat it for you guys.) 

Ok I got distracted...back on track: So I'm waiting in a giant-ass line that looks like every other giant-ass line I've ever encountered in my life. But apparently others aren't quite as familiar with said-giant-ass line...because this girl walks about 10 feet in front of the line, says to her 2 friends "Wow! Not a line in sight!" and snipes a porta-potty that had just opened up.

Everyone in line around us was too stunned at the stupidity to even say anything. I have re-told this story to a few people since it occurred and they have all said, "She knew there was a line and was just being a jerk." Honestly though...she wasn't. I am quite quite positive she had no idea that the porta-potties weren't placed there at that exact moment for her use. (I also saw her walking around later, presumably looking for her other brain cell...I know a dull-bulb when I see one.)

It is my worst nightmare that I have ever, even for a moment, been this girl. I would SO much rather wait in a quarter-mile line than be this girl. And I know there are lots of others who completely disagree, and that's fine. For me, being a thought-full person, and being perceived as a thought-full person are way more important than getting to pee 10 minutes before someone else. (I'm spelling thought-full this way because I want to emphasize the fact that I'm using the word to mean, literally "full of thought." As in, "my brain is full of thoughts, and I am using these thoughts to make informed decisions." Thus: thought-full.)

People always like to say life is short...but I bet it feels a heck of a lot longer when people don't like you. So, when I'm not in any sort of life-or-death situation, I try my best to follow rules, be courteous, and otherwise not draw any attention to myself. Sometimes I stray from that plan, of course. Like, writing a blog full of all your opinions is probably not the best way to not draw attention to yourself. But I guess there's a fine line I'm teetering between having strong opinions, and not being a complete jack-ass about it. 

For the most part, I think I can be who I am without inconveniencing others. Maybe not always...but most things in life aren't "always," "every time" "without fail" sort of things anyways. There's always going to be exceptions, but as a general rule of thumb, the less people whose days I ruin each day, the better! Seems simple enough, no?


"You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims."
-Harriet Woods

No News is Good News

People always complain about how depressing the news is. "I can't listen to this anymore!" "Ok, that's enough of this for one night." "When will we ever hear good news?"

To that, I present the expression: "No news is good news."

News channels aren't full of fluff every day because the way we live our lives is that we assume everything is fine, unless we are told otherwise. It is up to news channels to tell us otherwise.

(Side note: I could go on to write a book about all of the politics and agendas involved in the news, or the fact that it uses fear to drive ratings etc. but that would require a lot of research, probably some sources, and is way too complicated. I'm going simple on this one...)

On any normal morning, I wake up, get ready for work and walk out to my car not worrying about a serial killer on the loose, or acid rain falling on my head, or anything else bad happening to me...unless the news tells me one of those things is likely to occur. They don't need to (and they can't) give me a nightly play-by-play of all the bad things that aren't going to happen to me -- "Aand there's no need to worry about burglaries tonight because they're all taking the night off!" -- and if they presented "good" news, I can't help but think it'd seem somewhat random -- "A tenant just mounted some beautiful flower boxes from his window on the corner of Comm. Ave and Harvard" -- thanks for that announcement, I'll go on living my life now.

An indication of a "good news day" should just be the anchors saying "Well...we have 10 extra minutes in this broadcast with nothing to talk about!" No news really is the best news you can get for your day. ...But they could fill those 10 minutes with puppy videos and I'd be happy. (Note that news channels actually do this quite often...don't think you'd EVER see a water-skiing squirrel if there was anything more pressing they could be talking about.)

 It may be easier to think of the news as just a guide for survival.

Our lives are so full of activities and obligations and relationships that oftentimes we don't think of the fact that our main goal everyday as humans is survival. While we may not be outwardly acknowledging this fact -- "What do you want to do today?" "Live through it." --it is still an instinct that we are subconsciously attending to.

When we turn on the news, or read a newspaper, or go to a news website, the majority of the content can just be interpreted as a giant "Don't do this/don't travel here/don't eat this/don't believe this if you want to live" list. And while that may not be happy and uplifting, it can be pretty helpful. And if you think of the fact that maybe you didn't die today because you listened to something on the news this morning...you should be pretty happy about that.

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic."

-Dan Rather

On the Edge of What?

A few months ago when I started this blog, one of my earliest posts was about accidentally insulting things people say to others. If you weren't reading my blog at the time, I'll be self-promotional for a quick sec and give you the link! Here ya go.

While being on the receiving end of those insults is usually funny (because although you are insulted...the other person is completely unaware they did anything wrong...and it's funny to watch people who have no idea what's actually going on.) But you know what's not very funny? Being the person who has no idea what's actually going on...and then realizing it way after the fact.

I absolutely hate the feeling you get when you feel embarrassed or ashamed of something you said or did, but it was so long ago that there's now no good way to fix it.

Like when you're laughing with an acquaintance about ugly names and you mention the name Francis, and then 2 weeks later, in front of a big group, someone says to that same acquaintance, "Hey how's Frank?" and you realize that it's their dad's name. Now that I'm typing this out, it sounds really trivial...like something they'd put on Lizzie McGuire...but tell me you wouldn't have a slight panic moment thinking about how 2 weeks ago that acquaintance was thinking to themselves, "Ha! This person has no clue my dad's name is Francis otherwise she would have never said that..."

And I get this feeling over even MORE trivial things than that. Like the time I was singing Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" song as "I'm on the edge of loving..." After maybe a month of thinking that was what she was saying, I was listening to the Kiss 108 top 30 countdown on the radio and Ryan Seacrest starts talking about how Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" has moved up 4 places and I think..."GLORY?!?"

Then I'm thinking back to all the times I had sang it wrong, and who had heard me and been thinking, "what did she just say??"

And what can you really do to redeem yourself at that point? The damage is done. At least when you have an embarrassing moment in real-time you can either pretend you said something else, or laugh at yourself or something...but a delayed embarrassing moment is unworkable.

The redeeming thing in all of this is knowing that it must happen to everyone at some point.

And if you're thinking it hasn't happened to you...maybe it has and you just haven't realized it yet! AH!


"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
-Abraham Lincoln
(I do not follow this advice often enough.)

Excuse Me For Breathing

I read a lot of articles/blogs/written content in general on the internet every day. It is a part of my job, I also do it for entertainment, and to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the world. (Reading the CNN Justice section is a good enough scope of world news, right?)

A lot of what I end up reading are opinion pieces, self-help articles etc. And I can't help but notice that these articles are so critical of people that I feel I can barely take a breath without being one of "those people" any particular article is criticizing.

"8 Types of Facebook Posts You Hate"

"10 Ways to Get Unfollowed on Twitter"

"6 Ways to Know if You Are 'THAT GIRL' Online"

"Types of Faces Only Slutty Girls Make in Pictures"

"20 Social Media Faux Pas You Aren't Aware You're Making"

"Things NOT To Say To Someone After a Breakup"

"How You May Be Accidentally Destroying Your Friendships"

Sorry, I just sneezed...I read in the article "5 Annoying Things About Your Cubical Neighbor" that making any noise whatsoever makes you tough to share office space with. Wouldn't want to be "THAT" co-worker who has to sneeze twice a day for the sole purpose of inconveniencing everyone around her.

Jesus. Can we do anything right??

I understand, probably more than the average person, that life is full of inconvenient situations and people that annoy you. I have struggled to not write blog posts about the latter because I think it's a really unnecessary burden to have to live your life every day wondering if you're inconveniencing or annoying someone just by being yourself. Believe me, I'm thinking about it. I'm human. And I'm a critical human, at that. There are plenty of times I find myself rolling my eyes at "duck faces" posted on Facebook, or cringing at posts that share every horrible detail about someone's 3rd consecutive bad day. But then again every other post on my Facebook is about this blog. And I bet that's annoying to some people out there. So I figure maybe we're even?



"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
-Plato? ...they think.