How Cliche!

I'm not big on cliches and generic, canned phrases that people always use to sum up a variety of situations. I'm not an "everything happens for a reason" sort of girl. Or an "if you love someone let them go" kind of person.

However, there are definitely a couple of cliches that I'm on board with. Sometimes you just can't dispute evidence that proves that these phrases are straight truth.

"It's a small world." -- Seriously, it is SUCH a small world. And this is both comforting and terrifying to me. I have learned over and over again that even when you say goodbye to people, there is a really good chance you'll run into them again. Sometimes that's a great thing, and sometimes it's a really annoying, terrible thing. There are lots of Murphy's Law-type rules when it comes to the "it's a small world" principle:

• If you say something mean about someone in public, you will say it within earshot of someone who happens to know them.
• If you see someone from college or high school and think to yourself, "Hm, I haven't seen them in FOREVER," you will inevitably see them everywhere you go for the next 6-12 months.
• If you just begin dating someone, you will soon after meet someone, or catch up with an old friend who happens to know their most recent ex.
• If you meet someone brand new, say, on vacation, you will meet their cousin or someone else who knows them in the next month.

"Good things happen to good people." -- This is not to say that bad things never happen to good people, or that good things never happen to bad people, because of course, that's just not true. But I really do believe that when it all nets out, good people have it better. I also have learned over time that good things happen to positive people. Essentially, you get what you expect to get in this world. And if you expect the worst, that's what you'll find. But I'm not sure they've turned that into a cliche yet, so in the meantime I'll stick with "good things happen to good people" -- even though "good" and "positive" do not always go hand in hand.

"The grass is greener on the other side." -- Ok, I really only strongly advocate this phrase when it comes to girl's hair. The grass is always greener on another girl's head. Err--ok so that doesn't translate well. What I mean is that every girl with curly hair wants straight hair, and every girl with straight hair wishes their hair would curl. The hair care industry thrives on this principle. Perms and curlers and straighteners and sprays and gels and chemicals exist so girls can force their hair to do what other girl's hair does naturally--but you would never know her hair does that naturally because she's too busy forcing her hair to do what another girl's hair does naturally. 

So,  while I may not be down for the "everything happens for a reason"s of the world (which is another blog topic for another day), there are at least a few other expressions I can get behind.

"Someone once told me the grass was much greener on the other side. Well, I took a visit, and it's possible I missed it. It seemed different yet exactly the same."

-Macy Gray, "In Between" ...yes, the As Told by Ginger theme song

"You love the Red Sox, but have the Red Sox ever loved you back?"

(I promise I'm not becoming a sports blog. I just have been thinking a lot about sports lately. I'll write about cute furry animals or something next week to make up for it.)

Loving a sports team is almost always a heartbreaking experience at the end of the season. Every year only 1 team's fans are truly satisfied. Oftentimes when I see my favorite teams lose in the playoffs, I find myself wishing that they just hadn't made it to the playoffs at all. (I remember reading this article when the Patriots lost the Superbowl in 2012 and feeling pretty crappy afterwards.)

Being dedicated to a sports team can take up a lot of time, effort and money: reading articles, watching the actual game, celebrating or mourning the outcome of the game, watching their rivals games, celebrating or mourning the outcome of those games, buying their memorabilia, buying tickets to the games, etc. It can be exhausting.

And for what gain? This is what people who don't love a sports team always ask. What do you get out of this? As they said in the wonderfully terrible movie Fever Pitch with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore: "You love the Red Sox, but have the Red Sox ever loved you back?"

When people ask this question, they ask it rhetorically because they think the obvious answer is no. Big Papi has no idea who I am, so how could he possibly love me?

But while the obvious answer is no, the correct answer is actually yes. Sports teams, in general, absolutely love their fans, in general. They talk about us all the time. They love playing at their home arena or field because we are there rooting for them. They hate playing at other people's arenas or fields because we aren't there. Their teams wouldn't exist as they know them if it wasn't for our support. They need us to be interested in them, and to love them.

Loving a sports team is no less reciprocal than your average relationship. Lots of relationships out there aren't perfectly aligned--one person may give more sometimes, or one person may love the other a little bit more, or one person may be more dedicated. But it takes a lot of crap before your friends start to ask you what you're really gaining from the relationship. (Sometimes in extreme cases you suspect that the other person may just be a sociopath who doesn't care about anyone, cough cough, Manny Ramirez.)

So, you may think it's dumb when people get upset over their favorite team losing in the playoffs, just as much as you may think it's dumb when your friend is all bent out of shape over his or her crappy relationship coming to an end, but in the latter case you usually at least fake some empathy for them. So why not at least muster up some fake empathy when it comes to sports heartbreak too?

I'll leave you with this quote from John Elway that proves that sports heartbreak goes both ways. They just want us to love them, too, guys!!


"There is no fall as far as when you lose the Super Bowl. The second you lose, you drop all the way back to the bottom, down there with every other team that played that season. It's like you did nothing. The minute it's over, they literally start bumping you out of the way to set up the ropes and the award stand. It's like, 'Uh, can you move, please? We've got some people to celebrate here.'"
-John Elway

Inner Monologue of a Could-Be Sportscaster

Note: This blog post was originally supposed to be about how I could be a sportscaster because most of the stuff they say is dumb and obvious and I think I could do better. But halfway through, I started to realize that it probably wasn't true. So I began to argue with myself. And instead of just deleting this post and starting over, I've decided to just let you see what it's like to be inside my brain for a couple of minutes. Enjoy.

You know how sometimes you look at someone else's really cool or high-paying job and you think to yourself, "I could totally do that!"?

There are usually two things that prompt you to say something like that:
1.) The job looks so simple that surely anyone with a brain could perform it
2.) The person who currently has the job is so terrible at it that you are convinced you couldn't possibly do any worse than they do.

When I watch sports, I can't help but think about #2 as I listen to the sportscasters.

When I was younger and didn't care as much about sports, I would listen to the sportscasters and think that they knew everything. But then I got older, watched games more often, and realized that it was more just the fact that I knew nothing that made them seem like they knew everything.

The vast majority of what they say is so painfully obvious that it's actually comical:

"I cannot stress enough the importance of every player playing their best in these playoff games."

"They really need to score here."

Or, they are spouting the most random statistics that have no actual meaning:

"This is the 5th time in the past 6 seasons that this team has been trailing by 7 or more points with 10 minutes left in the 2nd quarter."

Now, the thing is, while part of me is fairly certain that I could be a better sportscaster than at least half of all the people on the air, the other part of me asks, "well, how would you do that Jenny?"

And the answer is that I have no idea. I'm sure I would say the same dumb stuff they all say because it's hard to talk for 3 hours straight and not say something unintelligent or uninformed or stupid sounding. Sometimes I can't even say a single sentence without sounding like that. Like when someone wishes me a happy birthday and I say "Thanks! You too!" ...that's only 3 words and I still manage to mess it up.

Although, then again, I'm not getting paid to speak to people. Maybe I'd be more on top of my game if I were.

Note: The positive thing about this circular argument is that I now know what I'd do for my on-air act. I'd just argue with myself like I do in this blog. I'd be like those two heckling muppets but you'd only have to pay for one of me!

See?? I could totally do this sportscaster stuff.


"And then I said to myself, 'Kyle,' ....That's what I call myself. Kyle."
-Eric Matthews, Boy Meets World

Baby Steps to Self-Improvement

Awhile back, I wrote about useless verbal filler, and how I cringe when I say terrible things like, "alrighty then."

Along those lines, I'm realizing that there are lots of other little things that I say or do that I really wish I didn't. These things don't keep me up at night or anything. It's more just that every time I find myself doing or saying these things, I sigh a little bit to myself and silently (and falsely) vow to never do or say that ever again, and then I move on.

For example, I wish I didn't:

• Say "OOH sorry!!" every time I bump into someone, or even when they bump into me
• Yawn without covering my mouth
• Yell "wooo!" when I slip, trip, stumble or fall
• Say "me too!" whenever someone says they're tired
• Become a stuttering spaz every time I answer my phone at work
• Respond to compliments by saying something like, "Oh this piece of crap shirt? I got it at Target."
• Forget to put someone's address in my phone after promising to myself, "THIS time I'm going to put their address into my phone!"
• Put my phone on my lap while driving, only to then get out of my car, forgetting my phone is on my lap, and have it crash all the way to the pavement
• Use ellipses...in every tweet that I write (seriously, go check out my Twitter. I have a problem.)
• Ever talk about how many calories I'm consuming. I'm already eating them, so the damage is done. Plus, no one cares.
• Excessively use "haha" in all forms of online communication

That list is not comprehensive, but it's a good start.

Maybe I'll just focus on tackling two or three every week. If I can go one whole week without errant use of "haha" or "ooh sorry!" I would call that week a success.

Baby steps, people, baby steps.

"...I have really bad breath in the morning?"

"Ew."

-Mean Girls

Window Watching

How can I say this without sounding like a total creep?

....I give up. I'm just going for it.

I love looking in people's windows.

I don't walk up to their houses to peer in, or climb trees to get a better look. I just mean that if I'm driving past someone's house, or in a conference room at work that's directly across from someone's window, I like looking in and seeing what's going on. I like seeing how it's decorated. At Christmas time I love looking for Christmas trees. 

Yesterday during a meeting I'm pretty sure I saw a therapy session happening in the building across from us. I could only see the woman who I thought was the therapist, but she seemed very attentive to whoever was facing her, and she was taking notes. Or maybe it wasn't a therapy session at all--maybe I just got that idea in my head and then I just made all the things I saw happening fit into that narrative. 

I remember being on buses when I was in high school or college on my way to track meets and looking down into people's car windows wondering what their story was, or where they were going. Usually, I was wishing I was in the car with them--wherever they were going had to be better than running the 400. And now that I'm riding in cars more often than buses, I find myself looking up into the tinted windows of the buses, wondering where those people are going. Or if they're watching a movie on their iPad. Boy, do I wish I was watching a movie in my car.

Nighttime makes everyone's houses look more inviting. The lights are always glowing yellow. And they're always having family dinner, or watching a Red Sox game on TV, or doing something else adorable that I always kind of wish I could be a part of.

One time when we were in Italy my family walked past someone's window while they were in the middle of some sort of aggressive dispute. Maybe if our cell phones had worked we would have called the cops. But anyways...I did not wish to be a part of that. That was one window I was perfectly happy to bypass.

Maybe looking through someone's window is like when you first meet someone but don't know too much about them. By glancing in a window, you can't really know what someone's whole house looks like, or what's going on in all the other rooms--all you see is the yellow glow of their lamps, and what TV show they're watching. It's a rosy picture, and an incomplete one. But if you were to open the door and walk in, you'd get a whole different view--a more complete view. And maybe your opinion of them would change. Maybe you would see a mess on the floor, or rotten food in the fridge, or worse. Maybe their house wouldn't seem as put together when you're looking from the inside as when you're looking from the outside.

People are always messier than they first appear to be when you glance at them. And I think that's fine. I love looking in people's windows, but I would much rather walk through a friend's door instead. Even if it's messy inside. 

That was really corny. Sorry.


"I don't understand what Dad was doing in the middle of the street?"
"What was it George? Bird-watching?"
"What, Lorraine?? What??"
-Back to the Future

Go for a Spin Around my Mind

I'm not even sure this can really be considered a blog post. It's more just a single thought I had yesterday.

But I guess a blog post can sort of be whatever I want it to be, right?

Anyways, recently I've started taking spinning classes, and one of the hardest things to get used to is knowing how much resistance to put on the bike when the instructor tells you to.

Sometimes instructors will say a "quarter turn" or whatever...but you never really know from what point you should be starting, and all of that.

And then I started thinking about all of the technology we have these days. I actually wrote a post about it awhile back. And I thought to myself, why can they not make spinning bikes that quantify resistance so the instructor can just say "turn your resistance to 10?" They have that for other stationary bikes at the gym.

Now--a lot of times, people think thoughts like that and then they just shrug and go, "well that's dumb. I can't believe no one has thought of that." But, I like to give people a little credit where I can, so I need to bring this a step further. It cannot be true that no one has ever thought, "let's quantify the resistance on these bikes." There must be a good reason for it.

There must not be a demand for it. Maybe it would change the dynamics of spin class. Maybe it is an important aspect of spinning class that everyone is working at their own resistance. Every person has their own effort scale of 1-10. And that effort scale may not correspond with the 1-10 resistance scale on the bikes. So a 6 on the bike for one in-shape person may feel like a 6 on their effort scale. But, for the poor schlub that just started taking the class (that would be me) a 6 on the bike may feel like an 8 on my effort scale. And what's most important about class is how hard you (personally) are working.

Maybe this is just one of those things that's always been obvious for everyone else...but I felt like I had a breakthrough when I pieced this all together.

So, I figured I'd share.

"The distance the shotput goes is determined by the effort you put into it...PERSPIRATION!!"

-Ms. Trunchbull, Matilda

A Life-Ruiner for a Day?

So, I just read a Thought Catalog post entitled A Warning To The Girls Who Will Idolize Daisy Buchanan and it got me thinking...

(An important explanation if you don't know anything about The Great Gatsby: Daisy Buchanan is essentially a woman that married a rich, mean guy who is exactly her equal but she somehow still makes herself into the victim of everything. Gatsby is in love with her, but because she's a life ruiner ["she ruins people's lives!!"] she's pretty much his downfall.)

I have this running joke with my friends about how I want to ruin a guy. 

I will take a moment right here to restate the word "joke." You have been warned.

 It seems like so many guys out there are scarred from one Daisy Buchanan-like girl who trampled all over his life, and now he can't even look at pizza, or hear a song by Maroon 5 without thinking of her and getting chest palpitations. I want to be so careless that I destroy an entire genre of music for someone. Or accidentally get them arrested for trespassing. Or unwittingly become the cause of some giant bar fight between my boyfriend and half of the bar because I complained to him that a guy looked at me the wrong way. I want to smile and giggle unaffectedly as I look over my shoulder to see the giant ball of exploding fire that is my now ex-boyfriend's life. "Woops...did I do that??"

I want every new girlfriend this guy has after me to absolutely hate me because of all of the ways I ruined her boyfriend. "Sorry honey, I'd love to go to (insert name of most popular bar in city) for our anniversary but I'm eternally banned from there ever since I got in this huge fight defending my ex-girlfriend Jenny's honor."

Here's where I'll remind you once again, this is a scenario that we joke about. The reason this is a joke is because in reality, that is not what I want at all. I could never go through with something like that. But sometimes it just seems so tempting. Sometimes I get this epiphany that I would get so much more attention if I lived my life as a Daisy Buchanan.

(By the way, I feel comfortable admitting all of this here for two reasons. Firstly, most of you who read this know me personally and know that if I so much as cancel dinner plans with someone I feel guilty about it for 2 weeks--I'm not really going to go around stomping on people's lives. And secondly, because I am confident that while you may judge me for a second, you will then do that introspective thing where you think to yourself, "Have I ever done anything, or been tempted to do anything because I wanted attention?" and you will sympathize.)

I wish there was a day like Halloween, only with personalities instead of costumes. I just want to try being a life-ruiner for one day. But then have there be no actual consequences. I don't want to get anyone arrested for something they didn't do, or, you know, get anyone shot in their pools or anything. But I want to know what it feels like to be the type of girl that could if she wanted to.

Are you terrified of me yet?

Please don't be. Read this post I wrote last August about how all I want to do is not inconvenience people and you can be reminded that I'm really not this scary.

That is all :)


“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby