Drive Me Crazy

Driving can cause a lot of frustration. Having grown up in Massachusetts, I feel as if road rage was something I learned in Driver’s Ed. (No, actually in Driver’s Ed my instructor was this creepy guy named Vladimir who would turn 90 degrees in his seat to stare at me for the entire hour and tell me I looked like Julia Roberts. My mom would hug and kiss me and tell me she loved me every time I left the house for a lesson—like she was never going to see me again. No lie, ask my family, it was terrifying.)

Where was I? Oh yeah. Road rage. My ultimate rule of road rage is to always keep in mind that there are human beings driving these cars. Sometimes this calms me down, but other times it just gives me more rage. Like, you’re trying to tell me there’s a brain somewhere inside that car? I just don’t even believe it.

I absolutely hate when someone is behind me, and I’ve come to a stop for a very good reason (a pedestrian crossing, or a fire truck coming towards us, etc. ) and they can’t see why I’ve stopped so they start beeping at me, or try to go around me.

Look, whenever I’m in my car, it’s because I’m trying to get somewhere. I’m just as aware as the next person that stopping dead in the middle of the road for absolutely no reason is not going to get me where I need to go. So why can’t you just trust me that I’m stopping for a good reason?

One time, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection in Cambridge. It just shut off. And as I had been stopped at the red light at the intersection prior to breaking down, I had no momentum. So I was stuck. Clearly, I start panicking. I’m pressing on pedals, I’m frantically trying to restart my car. Anyone that looks through my window can see that I’m having a moderate meltdown. Meanwhile, some lady is across the intersection from me beeping and throwing her hands up at me. Like I’m there on purpose just to piss her off. Yes, I mean to be parked in the middle of this intersection. I’m not trying to restart my car—I’m just dancing to a Ke$ha song on the radio. You don’t like it? Well too bad!! All in a day’s work of inconveniencing you, m’am.

Seriously, people drive as if they are the only human being on the road, and everyone else is My Pal 2 in a booster seat or something. And I don’t say this to suggest that I’m not one of those people. Because I am absolutely guilty of doing the same things that make me so angry when other people do them. Like slowing down at a yellow light to take a right and making the person behind me miss the light because he wanted to go straight. I get so angry when people do that, but it’s really unavoidable. No one should take a right going 40mph. And I don’t really expect them to change their route just so I can make a green light. So I don’t really know what I want from them in that situation, or why I get angry, especially when there is no doubt that I would have done the same thing were I taking a right.

The vast majority of us on the road are trying to get somewhere in a timely manner, so I really do try my best to remember that. Maybe Vladimir tried to teach me that during my road lessons but I was too busy concocting an escape route… 

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
-George Carlin