Four-eyes

I'm not the suffer-in-silence type. Therefore, if you've been within a 50 mile radius of me for the last week, you've heard me complain about having to wear my glasses. I've had glasses since the fifth grade, but worn contacts daily since sixth grade. In the next week or so I have to go to a few different eye appointments, and they need me to not wear my contacts for a period of time before the appointments.

I could write a novel about why I hate wearing my glasses. In fact, in this week alone I have probably given enough material to my mom and close friends for them to each write their own novel about why I hate wearing my glasses.

So, I contemplated writing this entire post about all the reasons I hated wearing my glasses, but then I figured out a way to make it look like I was only picking one complaint to write about, and can still sneak in all my other complaints. So it was a win-win...for me anyways.

DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read will be full of #firstworldproblems and #whitegirlproblems. I understand that millions of people wear glasses every day and never complain about these things. I understand that me complaining about this is trivial and unimportant. To my critics I say: Have you read a single thing I've ever written? It's all trivial and unimportant. You should be used to this.

Anyways, here goes:

I cringe at the fact that people may think that I'm suddenly wearing my glasses to look:
1.) Smart
2.) Cool
3.) Edgy/Alternative/Nerd Chic
4.) Like a sexy librarian

To be clear: I am wearing my glasses this week as a means to an end. In fact, any time you have ever seen me wearing my glasses I either:
a.) Have just removed my contacts and am walking to my bed to go to sleep
b.) Am on my way out of my bed to go put on my contacts in the morning
c.) Have an upcoming eye appointment
d.) Have an eye infection

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this yet, but I hate my glasses. When I wear them, I feel like crap. I associate them with being sick or tired, because the only time I ever wear them is when I'm sick or tired. So when I go out and I'm wearing my glasses, I don't feel super sassy and witty, or sexy and mysterious, or like I deserve some hipster street cred...I feel like I have conjunctivitis and I just want to go to bed...and everything I look at has a glare.

So, while we're on this topic, let's talk about the stupid quote from the movie Ted, "You're not a nerd, you're a whore who found glasses." We need to stop working this quote into memes, and applying it to any girl who we see out at night wearing glasses. All I'm saying is maybe she has pink eye and is just trying to make the best of the situation, OK? All this judgement about "fake nerds" and the like is just making me anxious. Do I just stay in my house all week to avoid being branded as fake, or a poser or a "whore who found glasses?" 

And if someone wants to go around wearing non-prescription glasses because they think it makes them look cooler, I actually applaud them for their dedication. Because, in my (highly intelligent and eloquent) opinion, wearing glasses sucks. You can have your hipster street cred. You can be the sexy librarian. Or the sassy nerd. All I know is that next week I'll be right back in my contacts, spending all morning putting makeup on the bridge of my nose to hide the giant indents left by those demon spectacles. 


"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
- Joe Walsh