Maybe it was where I went to college, or what part of the country I live in or something, but I feel like we all have a tendency to be so self-critical. We're 5 pounds overweight, we don't volunteer nearly enough, we don't work hard enough, we don't spend enough time with our families, we don't have the dream job, we don't have the car we envisioned we would have by this age, or the right amount of money saved, or the apartment in the location we wanted.
If other people actually judged us based off of all of the negative thoughts we had about ourselves, who the hell would want to spend time with us? A fat, selfish, lazy loner with a crappy job and a gross car that will break down in front of our crappy apartment where we only have $25 hiding in the freezer.
Come on. We don't really think that about ourselves do we? Then why do we so often act like we do? Conversations between groups of girls often become a contest of who can have the worst life. I'm guilty of it...and I can't even figure out why I do it. I feel uncomfortable giving myself a compliment out loud unless it's to my closest friends.
Example:
Girl: "I love your purse!"
Me: "Thanks it was $10 at Marshall's."
...Why did I need to say that? It wouldn't be wrong of me to just say "thanks so much!" but for whatever reason I feel the need to present myself to others as some sort of cheap bargain hunter that doesn't have nice things.
"Oh my gosh that top is adorable."
"Yeah some little girl from Bangladesh probably got paid $.4 to make this in the basement of Forever 21. But thanks anyways."
This is also like when I find myself telling people that I go to the gym because I like to be able to eat whatever I want.
It took me awhile to realize this...but that's a complete lie. So if you've ever heard me say that, I'm sorry. I lied to you.
I eat whatever I want all the time because I don't give a crap what I weigh as long as I still fit into all my clothes. And I work out because I love running, and I like feeling strong.
But somehow that isn't an acceptable answer. Because I think that other people don't want to hear that I like working out. I think other people want to hear that I begrudgingly work out so I don't become fat. So that's what I say.
The hard part to determine is do we express these self-criticisms because we truly believe them, or because we feel like we should because it's what others do? Some mix of both maybe?
My main problem with people being truly self-critical (by that I mean actually believing the terrible things you say about yourself) is that I've never actually seen it make someone into a better person. It never makes them happy. When's the last time you've heard someone say "ughh I just need to lose these 10 pounds!" and then after they lose it say, "Wow I'm so happy I lost those 10 pounds! I can't believe I finally did it"? (Don't know where that stupid question mark goes...)
Girl: "I love your purse!"
Me: "Thanks it was $10 at Marshall's."
...Why did I need to say that? It wouldn't be wrong of me to just say "thanks so much!" but for whatever reason I feel the need to present myself to others as some sort of cheap bargain hunter that doesn't have nice things.
"Oh my gosh that top is adorable."
"Yeah some little girl from Bangladesh probably got paid $.4 to make this in the basement of Forever 21. But thanks anyways."
This is also like when I find myself telling people that I go to the gym because I like to be able to eat whatever I want.
It took me awhile to realize this...but that's a complete lie. So if you've ever heard me say that, I'm sorry. I lied to you.
I eat whatever I want all the time because I don't give a crap what I weigh as long as I still fit into all my clothes. And I work out because I love running, and I like feeling strong.
But somehow that isn't an acceptable answer. Because I think that other people don't want to hear that I like working out. I think other people want to hear that I begrudgingly work out so I don't become fat. So that's what I say.
The hard part to determine is do we express these self-criticisms because we truly believe them, or because we feel like we should because it's what others do? Some mix of both maybe?
My main problem with people being truly self-critical (by that I mean actually believing the terrible things you say about yourself) is that I've never actually seen it make someone into a better person. It never makes them happy. When's the last time you've heard someone say "ughh I just need to lose these 10 pounds!" and then after they lose it say, "Wow I'm so happy I lost those 10 pounds! I can't believe I finally did it"? (Don't know where that stupid question mark goes...)
The point is, you don't hear them say that. You just hear them say, "Ughh look at the way my thighs rub together." And you think, "Did you not just lose 10 pounds so you could look at yourself and be happy? That worked well."
The day I see a girl my age go on a diet to lose 10 pounds or less and actually become happier because of it is the day I become a believer. But at the moment...nope. It doesn't change them. They're still just as self-critical as before...just 10 pounds lighter. And no one notices. Because they were already a size 4. And now they're still a size 4...their jeans just don't fit as well.
So while I understand (strangely enough) the social pressure to be the self-proclaimed fattest laziest person in your friend group with the worst job, I don't think you should ever actually think that about yourself. By all means, if something in your life truly needs an overhaul, haul it over. But be reasonable! You can like your tiny apartment, and your cheap Marshall's purse, and your first job. You can even like how you look (novel concept...I know...but it can be done).
Treat yourself the way you want to be treated! That sounds so stupidly obvious...but is it?
"My hairline is so weird."
"At least you can wear halter tops! I have man shoulders."
"My nail beds suck!"
"...I have really bad breath in the morning?"
-Mean Girls
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