I am a painfully self-aware person. I analyze all of the things I say, think and do every day. Whether I'm yelling at myself for doing something stupid, or patting myself on the back for doing something right, my focus is always on what I'm doing.
Obviously, that sounds really selfish. But I'm going to make a case that's it not. The way I look at it, it's actually my way of being selfless. Lots of people will disagree with the way I do things, but the majority of things I do in my life, I do to make other people happy. The flip-side of that is a lot of my time is spent just not trying to piss people off. That's where the self-awareness comes into play.
I see people every day who live their life as if they are literally the only human being present. It horrifies me. On Sunday I ran in the Falmouth Road Race...13,000 or so registered runners trying to cram into a town that really only fits a third of that at best. So at 9:00am in the pouring rain, I'm waiting in probably a quarter-mile line for the porta-potties (I was considering lying about what I was standing in line for...but you try running 7 miles when you haven't peed for 3 hours prior...I'm not gonna sugar-coat it for you guys.)
Ok I got distracted...back on track: So I'm waiting in a giant-ass line that looks like every other giant-ass line I've ever encountered in my life. But apparently others aren't quite as familiar with said-giant-ass line...because this girl walks about 10 feet in front of the line, says to her 2 friends "Wow! Not a line in sight!" and snipes a porta-potty that had just opened up.
Everyone in line around us was too stunned at the stupidity to even say anything. I have re-told this story to a few people since it occurred and they have all said, "She knew there was a line and was just being a jerk." Honestly though...she wasn't. I am quite quite positive she had no idea that the porta-potties weren't placed there at that exact moment for her use. (I also saw her walking around later, presumably looking for her other brain cell...I know a dull-bulb when I see one.)
It is my worst nightmare that I have ever, even for a moment, been this girl. I would SO much rather wait in a quarter-mile line than be this girl. And I know there are lots of others who completely disagree, and that's fine. For me, being a thought-full person, and being perceived as a thought-full person are way more important than getting to pee 10 minutes before someone else. (I'm spelling thought-full this way because I want to emphasize the fact that I'm using the word to mean, literally "full of thought." As in, "my brain is full of thoughts, and I am using these thoughts to make informed decisions." Thus: thought-full.)
People always like to say life is short...but I bet it feels a heck of a lot longer when people don't like you. So, when I'm not in any sort of life-or-death situation, I try my best to follow rules, be courteous, and otherwise not draw any attention to myself. Sometimes I stray from that plan, of course. Like, writing a blog full of all your opinions is probably not the best way to not draw attention to yourself. But I guess there's a fine line I'm teetering between having strong opinions, and not being a complete jack-ass about it.
For the most part, I think I can be who I am without inconveniencing others. Maybe not always...but most things in life aren't "always," "every time" "without fail" sort of things anyways. There's always going to be exceptions, but as a general rule of thumb, the less people whose days I ruin each day, the better! Seems simple enough, no?
"You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims."
-Harriet Woods
No comments:
Post a Comment