Lots of people motivate themselves with the mantra that someone is always better than them at something, or that someone else is always working harder. But a lot of times I make myself feel better by insisting that there's someone else out there who's worse off than I am in any given situation.
Every time I sit down to tackle an adult task, usually involving my health insurance in some capacity I think to myself, "Someone out there is dumber than I am, and is trying to do this same exact thing." I never really think about the possibility that they just give up and don't end up doing what they need to do. I just imagine that they somehow succeeded so there's no reason I shouldn't.
It's also never really occurred to me how lame of a "pep talk" this is for myself until just now. But I've already started writing so I've sort of committed to being lame for the day. Oh well--can't win 'em all! (Again, lame.)
Anyways, this sort of logic works for all sorts of things. Here's a few examples:
When getting a pedicure: "I'm sure they've seen grosser feet."
When writing my senior thesis in college: "Someone more clueless than I has to have done this before."
When running a road race: "There will be slower runners."
When taking a test: "I'm sure someone did worse than I did."
So, I use this line of reasoning a lot, and lately I've started wondering how many times I've actually been wrong. I really bank on the fact that I'm at least mediocre in every situation I encounter...but maybe I'm not.
Someone has to have the grossest feet a pedicurist has ever seen. What if it's me?
Someone has to be the dumbest person to ever try to get a referral from their doctor. That could very well be me.
Is there someone out there keeping a tally of all the times I've incorrectly assumed that there's gotta be someone somewhere in the world that's more screwed than I am?
(There were definitely a few car rides in my life before we used GPS where I wasn't able to comfort myself with my lame mantra, and actually thought to myself, "I am the most lost person in America right now, and quite possibly even the world." As you can tell, I get really irrational and dramatic when I get lost. All the sudden it's like, rules of the road no longer apply, and I just start taking U-turns whenever the hell I feel like it.)
In summation, what I'm trying to say is that while, with some things it's worth trying to finish first or be the best, I'm of the opinion that a lot of times it would suffice to just not finish last or be the worst.
"You don't have to outrun the bear--just your slowest friend."
-Unattributed
(P.S. In case you were wondering, [which most of you probably weren't] I did some research on whether I should be saying "dumber than me" or "dumber than I"/ "worse off than me" or "worse off than I" and while I thought it'd just be a quick job for Google, turns out that I actually stumbled into one of the grammar world's most hotly debated topics. Apparently people have been fighting about this since the 1700's. The rule I decided to go by was that if "am" is either used or implied than you use "I," like this, "Surely there is someone out there dumber than I [am]." The great advice that the website gave me was to just avoid these types of sentences altogether. But, you know, I like to live dangerously.)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Drive Me Crazy
Driving can cause a lot of frustration. Having grown up in Massachusetts, I feel as if road rage was something I learned in Driver’s Ed. (No, actually in Driver’s Ed my instructor was this creepy guy named Vladimir who would turn 90 degrees in his seat to stare at me for the entire hour and tell me I looked like Julia Roberts. My mom would hug and kiss me and tell me she loved me every time I left the house for a lesson—like she was never going to see me again. No lie, ask my family, it was terrifying.)
Where was I? Oh yeah. Road rage. My ultimate rule of road rage is to always keep in mind that there are human beings driving these cars. Sometimes this calms me down, but other times it just gives me more rage. Like, you’re trying to tell me there’s a brain somewhere inside that car? I just don’t even believe it.
I absolutely hate when someone is behind me, and I’ve come to a stop for a very good reason (a pedestrian crossing, or a fire truck coming towards us, etc. ) and they can’t see why I’ve stopped so they start beeping at me, or try to go around me.
Look, whenever I’m in my car, it’s because I’m trying to get somewhere. I’m just as aware as the next person that stopping dead in the middle of the road for absolutely no reason is not going to get me where I need to go. So why can’t you just trust me that I’m stopping for a good reason?
One time, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection in Cambridge. It just shut off. And as I had been stopped at the red light at the intersection prior to breaking down, I had no momentum. So I was stuck. Clearly, I start panicking. I’m pressing on pedals, I’m frantically trying to restart my car. Anyone that looks through my window can see that I’m having a moderate meltdown. Meanwhile, some lady is across the intersection from me beeping and throwing her hands up at me. Like I’m there on purpose just to piss her off. Yes, I mean to be parked in the middle of this intersection. I’m not trying to restart my car—I’m just dancing to a Ke$ha song on the radio. You don’t like it? Well too bad!! All in a day’s work of inconveniencing you, m’am.
Seriously, people drive as if they are the only human being on the road, and everyone else is My Pal 2 in a booster seat or something. And I don’t say this to suggest that I’m not one of those people. Because I am absolutely guilty of doing the same things that make me so angry when other people do them. Like slowing down at a yellow light to take a right and making the person behind me miss the light because he wanted to go straight. I get so angry when people do that, but it’s really unavoidable. No one should take a right going 40mph. And I don’t really expect them to change their route just so I can make a green light. So I don’t really know what I want from them in that situation, or why I get angry, especially when there is no doubt that I would have done the same thing were I taking a right.
The vast majority of us on the road are trying to get somewhere in a timely manner, so I really do try my best to remember that. Maybe Vladimir tried to teach me that during my road lessons but I was too busy concocting an escape route…
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
-George Carlin
Where was I? Oh yeah. Road rage. My ultimate rule of road rage is to always keep in mind that there are human beings driving these cars. Sometimes this calms me down, but other times it just gives me more rage. Like, you’re trying to tell me there’s a brain somewhere inside that car? I just don’t even believe it.
I absolutely hate when someone is behind me, and I’ve come to a stop for a very good reason (a pedestrian crossing, or a fire truck coming towards us, etc. ) and they can’t see why I’ve stopped so they start beeping at me, or try to go around me.
Look, whenever I’m in my car, it’s because I’m trying to get somewhere. I’m just as aware as the next person that stopping dead in the middle of the road for absolutely no reason is not going to get me where I need to go. So why can’t you just trust me that I’m stopping for a good reason?
One time, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection in Cambridge. It just shut off. And as I had been stopped at the red light at the intersection prior to breaking down, I had no momentum. So I was stuck. Clearly, I start panicking. I’m pressing on pedals, I’m frantically trying to restart my car. Anyone that looks through my window can see that I’m having a moderate meltdown. Meanwhile, some lady is across the intersection from me beeping and throwing her hands up at me. Like I’m there on purpose just to piss her off. Yes, I mean to be parked in the middle of this intersection. I’m not trying to restart my car—I’m just dancing to a Ke$ha song on the radio. You don’t like it? Well too bad!! All in a day’s work of inconveniencing you, m’am.
Seriously, people drive as if they are the only human being on the road, and everyone else is My Pal 2 in a booster seat or something. And I don’t say this to suggest that I’m not one of those people. Because I am absolutely guilty of doing the same things that make me so angry when other people do them. Like slowing down at a yellow light to take a right and making the person behind me miss the light because he wanted to go straight. I get so angry when people do that, but it’s really unavoidable. No one should take a right going 40mph. And I don’t really expect them to change their route just so I can make a green light. So I don’t really know what I want from them in that situation, or why I get angry, especially when there is no doubt that I would have done the same thing were I taking a right.
The vast majority of us on the road are trying to get somewhere in a timely manner, so I really do try my best to remember that. Maybe Vladimir tried to teach me that during my road lessons but I was too busy concocting an escape route…
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
-George Carlin
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Four-eyes
I'm not the suffer-in-silence type. Therefore, if you've been within a 50 mile radius of me for the last week, you've heard me complain about having to wear my glasses. I've had glasses since the fifth grade, but worn contacts daily since sixth grade. In the next week or so I have to go to a few different eye appointments, and they need me to not wear my contacts for a period of time before the appointments.
I could write a novel about why I hate wearing my glasses. In fact, in this week alone I have probably given enough material to my mom and close friends for them to each write their own novel about why I hate wearing my glasses.
So, I contemplated writing this entire post about all the reasons I hated wearing my glasses, but then I figured out a way to make it look like I was only picking one complaint to write about, and can still sneak in all my other complaints. So it was a win-win...for me anyways.
DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read will be full of #firstworldproblems and #whitegirlproblems. I understand that millions of people wear glasses every day and never complain about these things. I understand that me complaining about this is trivial and unimportant. To my critics I say: Have you read a single thing I've ever written? It's all trivial and unimportant. You should be used to this.
Anyways, here goes:
I cringe at the fact that people may think that I'm suddenly wearing my glasses to look:
1.) Smart
2.) Cool
3.) Edgy/Alternative/Nerd Chic
4.) Like a sexy librarian
To be clear: I am wearing my glasses this week as a means to an end. In fact, any time you have ever seen me wearing my glasses I either:
a.) Have just removed my contacts and am walking to my bed to go to sleep
b.) Am on my way out of my bed to go put on my contacts in the morning
c.) Have an upcoming eye appointment
d.) Have an eye infection
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this yet, but I hate my glasses. When I wear them, I feel like crap. I associate them with being sick or tired, because the only time I ever wear them is when I'm sick or tired. So when I go out and I'm wearing my glasses, I don't feel super sassy and witty, or sexy and mysterious, or like I deserve some hipster street cred...I feel like I have conjunctivitis and I just want to go to bed...and everything I look at has a glare.
So, while we're on this topic, let's talk about the stupid quote from the movie Ted, "You're not a nerd, you're a whore who found glasses." We need to stop working this quote into memes, and applying it to any girl who we see out at night wearing glasses. All I'm saying is maybe she has pink eye and is just trying to make the best of the situation, OK? All this judgement about "fake nerds" and the like is just making me anxious. Do I just stay in my house all week to avoid being branded as fake, or a poser or a "whore who found glasses?"
And if someone wants to go around wearing non-prescription glasses because they think it makes them look cooler, I actually applaud them for their dedication. Because, in my (highly intelligent and eloquent) opinion, wearing glasses sucks. You can have your hipster street cred. You can be the sexy librarian. Or the sassy nerd. All I know is that next week I'll be right back in my contacts, spending all morning putting makeup on the bridge of my nose to hide the giant indents left by those demon spectacles.
"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
- Joe Walsh
I could write a novel about why I hate wearing my glasses. In fact, in this week alone I have probably given enough material to my mom and close friends for them to each write their own novel about why I hate wearing my glasses.
So, I contemplated writing this entire post about all the reasons I hated wearing my glasses, but then I figured out a way to make it look like I was only picking one complaint to write about, and can still sneak in all my other complaints. So it was a win-win...for me anyways.
DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read will be full of #firstworldproblems and #whitegirlproblems. I understand that millions of people wear glasses every day and never complain about these things. I understand that me complaining about this is trivial and unimportant. To my critics I say: Have you read a single thing I've ever written? It's all trivial and unimportant. You should be used to this.
Anyways, here goes:
I cringe at the fact that people may think that I'm suddenly wearing my glasses to look:
1.) Smart
2.) Cool
3.) Edgy/Alternative/Nerd Chic
4.) Like a sexy librarian
To be clear: I am wearing my glasses this week as a means to an end. In fact, any time you have ever seen me wearing my glasses I either:
a.) Have just removed my contacts and am walking to my bed to go to sleep
b.) Am on my way out of my bed to go put on my contacts in the morning
c.) Have an upcoming eye appointment
d.) Have an eye infection
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this yet, but I hate my glasses. When I wear them, I feel like crap. I associate them with being sick or tired, because the only time I ever wear them is when I'm sick or tired. So when I go out and I'm wearing my glasses, I don't feel super sassy and witty, or sexy and mysterious, or like I deserve some hipster street cred...I feel like I have conjunctivitis and I just want to go to bed...and everything I look at has a glare.
So, while we're on this topic, let's talk about the stupid quote from the movie Ted, "You're not a nerd, you're a whore who found glasses." We need to stop working this quote into memes, and applying it to any girl who we see out at night wearing glasses. All I'm saying is maybe she has pink eye and is just trying to make the best of the situation, OK? All this judgement about "fake nerds" and the like is just making me anxious. Do I just stay in my house all week to avoid being branded as fake, or a poser or a "whore who found glasses?"
And if someone wants to go around wearing non-prescription glasses because they think it makes them look cooler, I actually applaud them for their dedication. Because, in my (highly intelligent and eloquent) opinion, wearing glasses sucks. You can have your hipster street cred. You can be the sexy librarian. Or the sassy nerd. All I know is that next week I'll be right back in my contacts, spending all morning putting makeup on the bridge of my nose to hide the giant indents left by those demon spectacles.
"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
- Joe Walsh
Thursday, January 3, 2013
"Is this gonna be forever??"
Like most people, anxiety occasionally gets the better of me. I know you'd never be able to tell from the even-keeled and not-ridiculous-at-all nature of this blog, but I can sometimes get rattled. Often, when I'm stressed out or anxious I try to figure out what is making me feel that way. What exactly about the situation at hand is the part that is causing me to panic?
The answer is in that famous YouTube video, "David After Dentist."
In short: I'm afraid it's going to last forever.
I know it's stupid and irrational, but it's so easy for me to lose my perspective when I'm in a bad spot.
When I get a stomach bug and am lying on bathroom floor it's really difficult for me to think positively. All I can think about is how I'm going to be here for days. Weeks even. Wrapped around the toilet.
When I used to work night games at the ProShop, the game would let out and the store would fill with people. The line at the registers would wind half-way through the store. And without fail, every single time, I would look at the clock and think, "I'm never going home. I will be 30 years old and still standing at this register, ringing people up."
I know I'm not the only one who has this fear of growing old while in the midst of one, constant, horrible situation. One of my favorite college stories ever is my friend Rachel's rendition of what happened to her one day in the dining hall. I'm going to tell it in the first-person, and hope that I do it justice: "I was at the frozen yogurt machine filling up a bowl, when all the sudden I end up holding the handle to the machine. Only it's no longer attached to the machine. I frantically start trying to stick the handle back into the machine but my bowl is starting to overflow. So I panic, and just start grabbing more bowls, and filling them with fro-yo. And in the middle of all of this, I think to myself, 'I'm going to be here forever filling up bowls of frozen yogurt! This is never going to end!! How much fro-yo does this machine hold?!'"
Of course, this story has a happy ending. Rachel ended up graduating on time and everything was ok. She was probably only hung up for about 30 seconds by the "Fro-Yo Fiasco of 2011." Someone finally came along, saw her dilemma and helped her get the handle back in. But that's not the point. That's never the point when you're in the situation.
The future is a time for looking back at the chaotic moments in our past and laughing about how trivial and short-lived they were. The present is a time for panicking about the present situation rapidly becoming our future and depriving us of the luxury of looking back at the past and laughing at it. It's tough to be in a state of panic and honestly believe yourself when you say, "someday this will be hilarious." Because you're not in "someday," you're in "today," and "today" sucks.
If the stressful situation is long enough--say, more than 30 seconds--there's a slight chance I can calm myself down by reminding myself of all the other times I thought I would be stuck in a hamster wheel of anxiety and discomfort. I'm not still at the ProShop ringing up customers from that game in 2008. I'm not still on the bathroom floor of my house puking since I was 14 years old. Rachel isn't still at school filling up bowls of fro-yo. "This too shall pass," "It's always the darkest before dawn,"and all of those uplifting quotes that probably aren't even true (is everything actually darkest before dawn?)
"Can't repeat the past? Why of course you can!"
The answer is in that famous YouTube video, "David After Dentist."
In short: I'm afraid it's going to last forever.
I know it's stupid and irrational, but it's so easy for me to lose my perspective when I'm in a bad spot.
When I get a stomach bug and am lying on bathroom floor it's really difficult for me to think positively. All I can think about is how I'm going to be here for days. Weeks even. Wrapped around the toilet.
When I used to work night games at the ProShop, the game would let out and the store would fill with people. The line at the registers would wind half-way through the store. And without fail, every single time, I would look at the clock and think, "I'm never going home. I will be 30 years old and still standing at this register, ringing people up."
I know I'm not the only one who has this fear of growing old while in the midst of one, constant, horrible situation. One of my favorite college stories ever is my friend Rachel's rendition of what happened to her one day in the dining hall. I'm going to tell it in the first-person, and hope that I do it justice: "I was at the frozen yogurt machine filling up a bowl, when all the sudden I end up holding the handle to the machine. Only it's no longer attached to the machine. I frantically start trying to stick the handle back into the machine but my bowl is starting to overflow. So I panic, and just start grabbing more bowls, and filling them with fro-yo. And in the middle of all of this, I think to myself, 'I'm going to be here forever filling up bowls of frozen yogurt! This is never going to end!! How much fro-yo does this machine hold?!'"
Of course, this story has a happy ending. Rachel ended up graduating on time and everything was ok. She was probably only hung up for about 30 seconds by the "Fro-Yo Fiasco of 2011." Someone finally came along, saw her dilemma and helped her get the handle back in. But that's not the point. That's never the point when you're in the situation.
The future is a time for looking back at the chaotic moments in our past and laughing about how trivial and short-lived they were. The present is a time for panicking about the present situation rapidly becoming our future and depriving us of the luxury of looking back at the past and laughing at it. It's tough to be in a state of panic and honestly believe yourself when you say, "someday this will be hilarious." Because you're not in "someday," you're in "today," and "today" sucks.
If the stressful situation is long enough--say, more than 30 seconds--there's a slight chance I can calm myself down by reminding myself of all the other times I thought I would be stuck in a hamster wheel of anxiety and discomfort. I'm not still at the ProShop ringing up customers from that game in 2008. I'm not still on the bathroom floor of my house puking since I was 14 years old. Rachel isn't still at school filling up bowls of fro-yo. "This too shall pass," "It's always the darkest before dawn,"and all of those uplifting quotes that probably aren't even true (is everything actually darkest before dawn?)
"Can't repeat the past? Why of course you can!"
-Jay Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald), The Great Gatsby
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Christmas Carol Complaints
Christmas is probably the time of year that I listen to music the most. There's something about Christmas music that's really comforting. Maybe because it's always the same? They make a brand new Christmas song, what? every 30 years max? It's not easy to crank out a Christmas classic.
Christmas is also the only time of year that I can not only tolerate, but actually love Michael Buble with all of my heart.
But, as much as I love Christmas music, there are a couple of Christmas songs I hear each year that totally bug me. And what would this blog be if I didn't have a weekly bone to pick?
The first song I want to talk about is "Carol of the Bells:"
There is no denying this is an epic song. But it also scares the crap out of me. It starts really soft and high-pitched and eerie, and then they add more music, and more voices, and then they add more music, and all the voices get even louder and then it's this really intense symphony and I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of severe thunderstorm and I just want to cover my ears and rock back and forth in the fetal position. (Ok, look. Now that I'm listening to it as a *mostly* rational 24 year old...this song isn't really that scary. But as I explained here it's hard to get over childhood fears!)
Next up is "Little Saint Nick" that I'm pretty sure has never been sung by anyone other than the Beach Boys. And for good reason.
The song itself is catchy. I like the tune. But, I'm a words-girl and I cannot, in good conscience, listen to a song that includes the line: "Christmas comes this time each year." That's just...so painfully obvious. I don't even know. I'm surprised more people haven't used that line as a Facebook status.
Lastly, but not least...ly. Darn. Last but not least, is "Santa Baby." To prove my point, I found the most irritating version of this song available:
It is my strong, prudish belief that sex should not be involved in Christmas in any way. So "Santa Baby" really freaks me out. I'm not even sure that I know the majority of the lyrics because I'm always too caught up in the voice every singer uses in that song. It's a sound that can only be made by puckering your lips and maybe removing some clothing.
"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow."
-"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," (Which I just decided is my favorite Christmas song) Written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane
Christmas is also the only time of year that I can not only tolerate, but actually love Michael Buble with all of my heart.
But, as much as I love Christmas music, there are a couple of Christmas songs I hear each year that totally bug me. And what would this blog be if I didn't have a weekly bone to pick?
The first song I want to talk about is "Carol of the Bells:"
Next up is "Little Saint Nick" that I'm pretty sure has never been sung by anyone other than the Beach Boys. And for good reason.
"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow."
-"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," (Which I just decided is my favorite Christmas song) Written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Suspenseless...Stress More?
I've written before about why certain types of TV shows and movies stress me out. (See here.) But sometimes there is no basis for the stress I feel while watching a movie or TV show, but I can't help but feel it anyways. Below are 3 conditions that should remove all suspense/stress from my viewing experience, but do not:
1.) When you hear on the news that an actor/actress has quit a TV show.
Katherine Heigl leaving Grey's Anatomy is one example. Her quitting Grey's was one of the more publicized stories in Entertainment news at the time. Yet, I still sat there on that Thursday night, biting my nails wondering if Izzie would stick around. Of course she wouldn't! The real world trumps TV world. And I know that, but I still couldn't believe she was really gone.
2.) When a movie is based on historical fact.
I finally saw Argo a few weeks ago. Not only do I know how the Iranian hostage crisis turned out in real-life, I also had listened to about 8 different people recap the entire plot of the movie before I actually saw it. So I know they rescue the people from the Canadian Embassy. I know Ben Affleck saves the day. (Would Ben Affleck ever make a movie where Ben Affleck doesn't save the day?) But I still was gripping the sides of my chair as they were walking through the airport, on the verge of being discovered.
3.) When a movie begins at the end.
Catch Me if You Can is one of my all-time favorite movies. It basically starts with Leonardo DiCaprio's character saying that when he was younger, he was captured by police, tried for his crimes, and did prison time. And then it goes back in time, and launches into his story. So you know the entire time that he gets caught at the end. But you still wonder if maybe there's a chance he's going to get away, or Carl (the FBI agent played by Tom Hanks) will let him go.
I would venture to say that it is probably a sign of a good movie or TV show if they can create suspense out of a situation where all real suspense has been removed--either purposefully, or because the real world intervened. But, I would also venture to say that I'm just a really high-strung viewer.
"You know why the Yankees always win? Because the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes."
-Frank Abagnale Sr. (Christopher Walken), Catch Me if You Can
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Captain Obvious
I could write a novel about Facebook statuses. The funny statuses, the sad statuses, the ones that I honestly and truly have found really interesting to read, the ones that make me cringe, and so on. But today I'll focus on one kind of status in particular--the obvious/obligatory status.
This may sound somewhat specific...but I assure you it covers quite a wide range. In fact, I will break it down into 3 sub-categories and probably still won't cover the whole category. Here goes:
The 3 Main Types of Obvious/Obligatory Facebook Statuses:
1.) Holiday/Birthday
This type of status can best be summed up with the following:
a.) "Thanks for the birthday wishes!"
b.) "Merry Christmas everyone!"
First off, I want you to say out loud, "Thank you for the birthday wishes!" ...how dumb do you sound? No one says that out loud. Second of all, on national and/or international holidays, it is Christmas/4th of July/Thanksgiving, etc. for everyone. It is the most obvious thing in the world to just write, "Merry Christmas!" and post it. You might as well just post daily, "It is August 14th." "Now it is August 15th." It's not that it's not nice to wish all 947 of your friends a Merry Christmas, it's just that when I read it I can't help but think, "Well, duh."
2.) Weather
Includes:
a.) "*****Snow*****"
b.) "Hurricane time!"
c.) "It's so hot out!"
Ok, go with me on this one: Everyone complains about how they hate small talk, right? That was probably your excuse to not go to your most recent high school reunion, right? Talking about weather is the perhaps ultimate form of small talk, right? Then WHY, oh WHY would you attempt to discuss it with slightly under 1,000 people at once by posting it as your Facebook status?
3.) Political Opinions/Non-Opinions
Specifically:
a.) "Putting myself in a binder! See ya in 4 years!"
b.) "Legitimate rape?! Are you kidding me??"
c.) "Don't care about the President, when is hockey coming back?"
Now, this one has a fine line. And I feel like people are going to misunderstand me on this one so I will try to be as clear as possible. Having a political opinion is great. Everyone deserves to have one. And if people want to write about it on Facebook, I don't really have a problem with it. I can read it and agree, read it and disagree, or ignore it altogether. That's fine. But what I do have a problem with is people posting about either their lack of opinion, or an "opinion" that every single person they are friends with will agree with. What is the point?
If you grew up in New England, and 98% of your Facebook friends are from there as well, then it is a pretty unanimous conclusion that Todd Akin's legitimate rape comments from earlier this year were completely absurd. Therefore, you posting about how absurd you think it is does not drive further discussion, it just drives the same discussion over and over again where everyone just agrees with each other. And I'm not even sure that's considered a discussion.
Mitt Romney's "binders full of women" comment was hilarious. But it was really ephemeral. You had about a 5 minute window in which to tweet about it before you became wholly unoriginal, and maybe 12 hours on Facebook. And that's being generous.
And if you do not have an opinion, then I don't need to know about it. No one does. That's like posting, "There's a new restaurant in town." You wouldn't post that, because it doesn't do anything to help or advise or educate or even entertain anyone. You aren't even asking for other opinions. It's just a statement about something that you are completely entitled to have an opinion about but choose not to.
Thus concludes my break-down of what I see to be the 3 main types of obvious/obligatory Facebook statuses. Honestly, I've probably been guilty of posting a few of these in my Facebook lifetime, thus the word "obligatory." Because, really, how do you get around that "Thanks for the birthday wishes!" post without seeming like a thankless jerk?
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin
This may sound somewhat specific...but I assure you it covers quite a wide range. In fact, I will break it down into 3 sub-categories and probably still won't cover the whole category. Here goes:
The 3 Main Types of Obvious/Obligatory Facebook Statuses:
1.) Holiday/Birthday
This type of status can best be summed up with the following:
a.) "Thanks for the birthday wishes!"
b.) "Merry Christmas everyone!"
First off, I want you to say out loud, "Thank you for the birthday wishes!" ...how dumb do you sound? No one says that out loud. Second of all, on national and/or international holidays, it is Christmas/4th of July/Thanksgiving, etc. for everyone. It is the most obvious thing in the world to just write, "Merry Christmas!" and post it. You might as well just post daily, "It is August 14th." "Now it is August 15th." It's not that it's not nice to wish all 947 of your friends a Merry Christmas, it's just that when I read it I can't help but think, "Well, duh."
2.) Weather
Includes:
a.) "*****Snow*****"
b.) "Hurricane time!"
c.) "It's so hot out!"
Ok, go with me on this one: Everyone complains about how they hate small talk, right? That was probably your excuse to not go to your most recent high school reunion, right? Talking about weather is the perhaps ultimate form of small talk, right? Then WHY, oh WHY would you attempt to discuss it with slightly under 1,000 people at once by posting it as your Facebook status?
3.) Political Opinions/Non-Opinions
Specifically:
a.) "Putting myself in a binder! See ya in 4 years!"
b.) "Legitimate rape?! Are you kidding me??"
c.) "Don't care about the President, when is hockey coming back?"
Now, this one has a fine line. And I feel like people are going to misunderstand me on this one so I will try to be as clear as possible. Having a political opinion is great. Everyone deserves to have one. And if people want to write about it on Facebook, I don't really have a problem with it. I can read it and agree, read it and disagree, or ignore it altogether. That's fine. But what I do have a problem with is people posting about either their lack of opinion, or an "opinion" that every single person they are friends with will agree with. What is the point?
If you grew up in New England, and 98% of your Facebook friends are from there as well, then it is a pretty unanimous conclusion that Todd Akin's legitimate rape comments from earlier this year were completely absurd. Therefore, you posting about how absurd you think it is does not drive further discussion, it just drives the same discussion over and over again where everyone just agrees with each other. And I'm not even sure that's considered a discussion.
Mitt Romney's "binders full of women" comment was hilarious. But it was really ephemeral. You had about a 5 minute window in which to tweet about it before you became wholly unoriginal, and maybe 12 hours on Facebook. And that's being generous.
And if you do not have an opinion, then I don't need to know about it. No one does. That's like posting, "There's a new restaurant in town." You wouldn't post that, because it doesn't do anything to help or advise or educate or even entertain anyone. You aren't even asking for other opinions. It's just a statement about something that you are completely entitled to have an opinion about but choose not to.
Thus concludes my break-down of what I see to be the 3 main types of obvious/obligatory Facebook statuses. Honestly, I've probably been guilty of posting a few of these in my Facebook lifetime, thus the word "obligatory." Because, really, how do you get around that "Thanks for the birthday wishes!" post without seeming like a thankless jerk?
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin
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