Magnifying Glasses

It is incredibly easy to be incredibly hard on yourself. Maybe I just happen to know a lot of great people, but most of the people I interact with on a daily basis hold themselves to a high standard in all areas of their lives.

I am one of those people who is guilty of being my own toughest critic. "I shouldn't have...done that/said that/eaten that/worn that, etc." are constant statements I hear in my head.


But lately I've been noticing that there are some things I should really just let slide. I realize this mostly when I see someone react to something that I thought was such a big deal, as if it were no big deal at all. Or vice versa.


For examples today I've decided to recruit a couple of friends' stories that involve me somewhat indirectly. Like I said, I'm lucky enough to know some great people, and these people are unlucky enough to be burdened by an incredibly high, self-imposed standard. As their friend I appreciate this...who wouldn't appreciate a friend who goes above and beyond to tend to your friendship??

My brother threw a Super Bowl party this year, (I don't want to talk about the actual game-leave it alone) and at the end of the night 4 of us were heading back to the same area where we all lived. 1 of the 4 of us had a car. That 1 with the car happened to be the only one of the group who had not met me, and, thus, didn't know that I lived so close to the rest of them. He invited the other 2 in the group to ride home with him, and I, knowing that he wasn't aware of where I lived, took a cab home and didn't think of it again.

Fast forward 3 months, and I am at a Boston Marathon party at my brother's apartment again. One of the 2 people who took the ride that night came to me and said, Jenny...I've been wanting to apologize to you for months. I feel so terrible that I didn't just tell the kid who was driving that night that you lived so close to us!

It took me a few seconds to even recall what he was talking about. It had been such a small, short lived thought in my mind, but for him it had been something he had revisited in his head, wondering why he didn't act differently.

As someone who has felt this sort of guilt before, I was quickly able to reassure him that I had thought nothing less of him since that night, and was, in fact, so distracted by the awful outcome of the game that I had barely noticed.

Now, it can be stressful to hold friendships in high regards for sure...especially when you perceive that maybe you have made a mistake. However, a whole new level of super-stress is added when you also hold relationships with perfect strangers to this high standard as well.

For this example I'll use my ever-conscientious friend Rachel.

Last week, Rachel and I were waiting outside a restaurant in Boston when an older woman approached us and gestured towards her car saying "The sign here says no parking 8am-8pm, but it's almost 8pm now. Do you know if it's OK that I park here?" Rachel answered her "Yes, it should be free from 8pm on, but I don't think you should park overnight or anything." The woman thanked her and walked away. Moments later, we see a meter maid coming around issuing tickets in the general vicinity of where the woman had gestured to her car.

In a split second I can see Rachel contemplating diving in front of the meter maid yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" in slow motion. She looks at me in a small panic and says, "Is that that woman's car? Is she getting a ticket? I told her she could park there!!" And then, in the same breath, starts to defend herself, "She should have asked someone else if she wasn't sure. And also, if it's not 8pm yet that's her fault and she can't..." "...what? sue you?" I finish her sentence hoping that she'll realize that she is not indebted to this complete stranger in any way. Rachel did not park her car there. Some random lady did. This lady is an adult who can make her own decisions and read her own signs. She asked us for some guidance, we gave her our best answer.


Lately, I have been trying to give myself a break. Most times, if a mistake or oversight isn't egregious, other people are willing to give us a break, and they may not even know us! Who do we know better than ourselves? No one. So if random people who don't know us cut us some slack, why can't we ease up on ourselves?


Think about what you hold yourself accountable for. Is it more than what you would hold others accountable for? We put so much stock in "the golden rule" - "Treat others the way you want to be treated." But we sometimes forget it's also important to treat yourself the way you treat others.

“The greatest magnifying glasses in the world are a man's own eyes when they look upon his own person."

-Alexander Pope