This cake is unsanitary

Rihanna's song with Chris Brown, Birthday Cake (Remix) makes me gag a little. And that's kind of saying a lot for me. I've listened to rap/hip hop/ridiculously vulgar music since I was pretty young, and I've been able to stomach it all. Eminem is one of my favorite rappers. If I can listen to Puke by Eminem on repeat in the 8th grade but I can't listen to Birthday Cake Remix by Rihanna in the...17th? grade (In denial about graduating college still. It never happened.) there's a problem.


In case you are unfamiliar with this gem of a song let me give you a few of the best verses:

It’s not even my birthday
But he wanna lick the icing off
I know you want it in the worst way (the worst way)
Can’t wait to blow my candles out
He want that cake, cake, cake…
(You wanna put your name on it)
Ooh baby I like it, it’s so exciting
Don’t try to hide it
I’mma make you my bitch

....

[Chris Brown]
Legggo
Girl I wanna fuck you right now (right now)
Been a long time, I’ve been missing your body
Let me-let me turn the lights down
When I go down, it’s a private party
Ooooh, it’s not even her birthday
But I wanna lick the icing off
Give it to her in the worst way
Can’t wait to blow her candles out
I want that cake, cake cake….

....

[Rihanna]
Remember how you did it?
Remember how you fit it?
If you still wanna kiss it
Come, come, come and get it
Sweeter than a rice cake, cake worth sipping
Kill it, tip it
Cake, fill it

If you sexy and you know it
And you ain’t afraid to show it
Put a candle on my motherfucking back baby blow it
Love the way you do when you do it like that
Show up with the stats, bring the racks on my racks
Wrap it up, wrap it up boy
While I take this bow off
Talk That Talk, yeah I know I’m such a show off
Daddy make a wish
Put this cake in your face
And it’s not even my birthday

Ok...first off this song annoys me because Chris Brown is in it. And I don't care if this makes me uncool but I'm still not really down with someone that beats his girlfriend. And if I'm ever going to be down with it, it will NOT be because that guy tells everyone to get over it and move on in interviews. Chris Brown: YOU do not decide when the public is over you beating your girlfriend's face to a pulp.

That could be an entire post in itself, but for now it's not going to be.

Secondly, it grosses me out because "cake" clearly just means "vagina" which makes phrases like "Daddy make a wish put this cake in your face..." and "cake, fill it" really uncomfortable. 

I struggle with things like this because I'm a feminist. Female empowerment is great, women expressing their sexuality, cool. But for some reason I feel like this song isn't about that. Maybe it's just that Chris Brown is in the song? Maybe it's lines like "Put a candle on my motherfucking back baby blow it?"

Maybe it's that Birthday Cake Remix is a flavor at Coldstone?

"You're a fuckin' coke-head slut, I hope you fuckin' die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fuckin' guts, you fuckin' slut, I hope you die
Di-ii-ii-ii-ii-ii-ie"

-Eminem, "Puke"

...yeah. that's a real line from a real song.