Usually I would say that I'm someone who's pretty honest with myself. I can acknowledge when I'm being ridiculous or inappropriate, or making a mistake. I can also acknowledge when I did something positive, or went above and beyond of what was expected of me. That being said, I find it quite horrifying how easy it is for me, an honest person, to lie straight to my own face.
I do it all the time. But I try my best to use the power for good and not evil.
I first realized that lying to myself worked like a charm when I was running. I would go out for runs, and as I was getting about a mile away from home the desire to stop and walk would become overwhelming. So I began to tell myself, "Ok, you can start walking as soon as you get to the top of your street." But what I found when I got there is that I could probably push it a bit further, so then instead of walking I would sprint. And now that I figured this trick out, I do it all the time.
(As I get to my street corner I always imagine the active, in-shape half of my brain yelling "PSYCH! See ya at home sucker!" to the lazy half of my brain that wanted to walk....does that make me schizophrenic?)
Now, I wouldn't recommend that technique for everyone, because some people really will stop. I find that the trick works better the more self-hatred you have. ...No, I'm joking. But honestly, it works best on those of us with a guilty conscience. I know that I'll feel bad if I walk the last quarter mile of my run, but when I'm 3/4 of a mile away from home I just need to be fake-nice to my mind to get me through that brutal half mile. Then the rest is just the home stretch. You can deal with that when you come to it.
I find this is true of lots of other things besides working out too. All my brain really needs to get through a tough time is some sense that it has an out--no matter how fake or non-genuine that out is. (Side note: ingenuine isn't a real word?! News to me.)
Another time I lie to myself is when I tell myself that something I want to do or have already done is acceptable even though I have previously stated that whatever it is is most definitely not acceptable. (Side note again: HATE when I write myself into a position where I have to use "is is" or "do do" ugh. If I was less lazy I'd try to work around that.)
I bet you're familiar with these situations yourself. If you're questioning it I have the perfect test!
Have you ever said to yourself: "Well...it's different when I do it!" (Wow side note again, I'm putting myself in really tough grammatical situations tonight. Where the hell do I put the question mark that belongs at the end of that quote when I also want to use an exclamation point? I'm unsure so I've made the executive decision to just let it float. Prepare yourselves.) ?
Getting back on track...if you have ever spoken the phrase "It's different when I do it" chances are that it was not different at all and you are lying to yourself. Sorry. You can still do it if you want...I do all the time. Knowing you're a liar is the first step to...well...feeling better about your lies. And hypocrisy barely counts as long as you acknowledge it.
I need to face it. I had it right the first time when I said jeggings were a horrendous fashion trend. They were not any less horrendous when I wore them.
Maybe I'll work on this. But probably not, because I still want to get away with things.
"You lying little earwig!"
-Harry Wormwood (Danny DeVito), Matilda
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